Date:   12/7/2010 8:40:11 AM ( 14 y ago)
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URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=1734856

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 You are a very brave and courageous man to speak out against the domestic violence that your wife is perpetrating, and you can take that to the bank.

Since children are involved, it is imperative that you begin to document these events - call the police if it gets physical!  And, I would strongly suggest that you consider consulting a divorce attorney who is familiar with domestic violence, as well as engaging in individual counseling with a therapist who is also familiar with domestic violence/abuse and PSTD.  You can find both of these professionals by contacting your local Bar Association referral hotline, and the "mental health" hotline - ask for names of professionals who are SPECIFICALLY familiar with domestic violence/abuse.  Then, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline - www.ndvh.org.  You will be provided numerous resources on how to proceed, safely, and within the law.  The divorce attorney will help you to legally approach a separation and, if desired, a divorce that will protect you, your interests, and the interests of your children.  The counselor will provide positive approaches to managing the situation, any PSTD that develops, and be a priceless source of documentation if it's ever needed in court actions.  I failed to speak truthfully about the domestic violence in my former marriage, and I appeared to be an absolute lunatic because I demanded a divorce from what other people saw as such a "great guy."  

Please, for the sakes of the children, take action - don't do what I did and wait for the situation to get better because it never, ever, EVER does, particularly with female-against-male violence.  Don't be afraid to document the violence and abuse, EVER!  Until the past decade, it was a social taboo for a man to strike a woman, even in self-defense, and many women took (and, still take) advantage of this cultural norm to openly abuse their male partners verbally, emotionally, and physically.  The majority of abused men do not report the episodes because of the false stigma associated with female-against-male domestic violence - don't allow yourself to fall into this category.  

And, I mention the children's well-being because they are witnessing the abuse and suffer incredible consequences, whether they visually SEE it, or not.  Children are very, very sensitive to what occurs within their family dynamics, and you can bet that they are more aware of what's happening than you would dare to imagine.  Having said that, it's a statistical fact that 90% of all reported domestic violence is perpetrated in front of children as a method of control.  Children who are exposed to domestic violence are 10 times more likely to either develop into an abuser, or into a "groomed" victim.  They can only assume that what they are witnessing is "normal" relationship interaction.  This is what happened within the dynamics of my former marriage, and one son developed into a full-blown, diagnosed sociopath, and the other is what is commonly termed as a "co-narcissist" who is incapable of functioning within a healthy relationship based upon true honesty, respect, and personal accountability.

My very best wishes to you on this journey.  Post back, and let us know what steps you took, what worked, and what didn't so that other men who are living in the same environment of domestic abuse and violence will realize that they are not alone and they need not give into the stigma.  Brightest blessings to you.

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