everything is working out better than I thought it would by JTM14 ..... Rape Survivors Support Forum
Date: 12/3/2010 10:36:54 PM ( 11 years ago ago)
I (the 14yr old boy) just wanted to write back to let you all know that everything is working out better than I thought it would.
Mom and I are both going to joint counseling to help get over this. It has been very helpful into realizing just how much my Mom felt guilty for not being able to protect me and how her love for this man turned to hate as soon as she found out that he hurt me.
It made me realize that I didn't have to worry that she'd have taken Dave's side over mine if I had told her, because she wouldn't have. Mom is trying to overcome her feelings of guilt and helplessness while I try to get over the feelings of shame and dirtyness.
Since this has all happened, I am having a tough time not feeling dirty and bad about myself, however this counselor has been so understanding. Her name is Ginny and she just listens and she doesn't judge me, she just makes me feel comfortable talking about those most humilIating, painful times he raped me. I feel better having Mom and I do this together.
If one thing good came out of this, it has brought my Mom and I even closer together. And as for the kids at school, surprisingly not a single one has mocked me or looked at me funny. A lot of the kids came up to me and said how sorry they were that I went through that and that they wouldn't know what they'd do if it happened to them. They said I was brave.
That made me shed tears because I had been feeling not brave at all. My friends have been so supportive and even the teachers have as well. It's been such a relief to me knowing I don't have to hang my head down in shame while walking the school halls.
And best of all, the district attorney has met with my Mom and I and has told us that we have a good case against Dave because of the medical records of my internal injuries, the semen found inside my rectum, and his semen found on my underclothes collected as evidence.
They are presenting all this damaging evidence to "Dave" to see if he stops denying the charges and pleads guilty to spare me having to testify at a trial. But if it does come to a trial and I have to testify, the district attorney assured my Mom and I that we have a strong case and that he believes that a jury would find Dave guilty and he'd have a lenghty prison sentence.
I'm not too happy with the idea of having people looking at me as I tell complete strangers about all the disgusting things Dave did to me but if it will put him in jail away from me and my Mom then it will be worth it.
So for the most part, things are getting a little better day by day. I still have trouble sleeping at night and have nightmares and I get much more startled when someone comes up behind me but I am working hard on trying to get better.
I want my life back and I want to be a kid again. I want to feel good about myself again and not feel dirty anymore. But one thing I know is that I am loved by my Mom completely and by my friends and family and that alone will help get me through this.
As for all of you that gave me such caring advice and support, thank you so much. I am so glad I did an internet search and it brought me to this site. You all have helped me more than you know. I know that most, if not all of you are female victims but you still opened up your hearts to a boy victim, when unfortunately boys don't get much support.
Thank you all, especially you BlueRose who seemed so caring and worried about me and also SoulfulSurvivor for your kind words and great advice.
I really think you helped me find the courage to tell.
In fact, I showed my Mom this site today and she read what I wrote which made her cry and then she read what you all wrote as advice and she wants to thank you all for taking care of her boy when she couldn't.
Thank you all so much!
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