Date:   9/21/2010 8:44:06 AM ( 14 y ago)
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URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=1693284

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 "Rushing" into anything in any type of relationship is a red flag.  Whether the relationship is romantic or platonic, rushing implies immediacy and nothing is so urgent that we should feel compelled to make snap decisions, regardless of our personal situations.  When we make instant decisions, we rarely take the time to weigh all options, especially if we're making those decisions based upon love-at-first-sight.  True intimacy (not sex) requires time to develop - trust, honesty, speaking truthfully, mutual respect, etc., all take time to develop.

You are being made to feel "beholden" to this person because of your personal situation - living in his home, driving his vehicle, etc., and the words that you're using to describe your relationship are very, very foreboding.  Abusive partners always use ownership as a tool of control.  "I bought this house," or, "The car is registered in my name," or, "I earn the money, therefore I control it."  Ownership is vital to an abuser, including ownership of human beings, be they partners, siblings, offspring, co-workers, etc.  

You say that he makes you feel "horrible" about your body due to some sort of issue? What is the "issue" that makes your body so disgusting?Stop and think:  why would someone who professes to "love" someone make them feel badly about themselves?  He's already tearing down your self-esteem along with causing you to feel as if you somehow "owe" him loyalty.  He knows that you're in a difficult situation because he's giving you the ultimatum:  Put up with my bad treatment of you, or get the hell out and fend for yourself.  You were targeted by this man because you probably gave him too much information about yourself - bad situation with the parents, personal issues, financial difficulties, etc - you gave him the information that he needed to set you up to rip you apart.

I married someone like you're describing and produced 2 children with that person.  It does not get better, ever, ever, EVER.  It only escalates and I cannot describe how ugly your future will be if you remain on your current path with this man.  

Get out.  Go back home, get humble, take control of your life, and take positive steps to realize your true potential (i.e., education).  Get a degree, become comfortable in your skin, recognize the amazing attributes that make you unique and understand this cold, hard fact:  this man is deliberately damaging you because he wants to.  He doesn't "love" you, at all.  He "loves" owning you, ridiculing you, controlling you, and tearing down your humanity.  NO situation is so irreparable that any man or woman needs to remain in a very, very unhealthy relationship or environment.  

You cannot help this man.  You cannot cure this man.  You cannot help this man to achieve anything.  The only person that you can help, cure, and compel to achieve is your Self (Self = that which makes you unique in all the world).  Get out, honey, before you end up like I did.

Best wishes to you.

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