Date:   7/17/2010 1:06:31 PM ( 14 y ago)
Hits:   4,290
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=1655110

I managed to get through the day without binging but still had a slip with some kombucha. It didn't trigger any desire to binge the way I thought it might. I don't know if that had to do with the ginger having a calming effect on my stomach or what, but I felt okay even though I would have rather not have had it. Did some light calisthenics and walked around outside. I think I experienced some anxiety after talking to my therapist and got the kombucha without thinking and had it to suppress this.

Anyhow, I'd still like to continue with this intention to stay binge free for 3 months by entheo-fasting on the weekdays and doing a modified master cleanse on the weekends, but realize that I'll face certain obstacles that may make this impossible to stick to perfectly. So I thought I'd maintain a calorie limit of 500 calories or less as a standard for a binge free day and if I go over this I'll just start over.

I keep wondering what I can do that will help reduce the anxiety that causes me to take in calories for emotional reasons while in the middle of it- like some kind of quick shock to my system- such as taking out a frozen lemon and holding to my body to force me to witness the moment, snapping an elastic band around my wrist, lighting some incense to change the tone of the environment, smelling a strong energizing aroma, anything quick that offsets this state of mind. And then later maybe I could analyze the craving when I've calmed down if that feels like it would help.

Also I probably had the kombucha because I may have felt dehydrated. I think that when first starting out on low calorie diets or fasting - a lot of water helps to filter out the crap from former habits. I tried dry fasting once, but only after juice fasting for a couple weeks and I still wouldn't really call it a success. It feels like something I need to make progress with over time. I wouldn't feel ready to do a dry fast right now because of the likelihood that I'll binge after. Same with water fasting, though I'd like to start having more intermittent Water Fasts next month as I get more use to eating without binging and maintaining a kind of fasting lifestyle of mostly leaves.

I felt so against the idea of writing on a forum and sharing here because I had a feeling that I wouldn't fit in or get support, but just affirming these decisions for myself through writing and clarifying them even to just a few people helps so much. Challenging my own resistance and questioning my beliefs and taking risks and exposing my vulnerability for anyone to see has a way of shifting the pattern. I can no longer use the safety of solitude and concerned enablers as an excuse to continue binging. At least now I can look stupid and embarrass myself to motivate change.
 

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