Date:   7/4/2010 7:30:53 PM ( 14 y ago)
Hits:   2,682
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=1647542

You know, having had a narcissist mother myself, I understand just where you are coming from. I'm also guessing that with the NPD, your mother was emotionally and verbally abusive to you (mine was like that). As a kid, I was always tense. When one of my brothers did something wrong, my stomach would be in knots because I knew my mother would find a way to blame me for what happened. Someone would give me a gift, I would say "thank you". Then my mother would take me aside and tell me that, for example, my grandmother wore threadbare clothes just so she could get gifts for her grandkids. So...with that going on, I could never really enjoy any gifts that came my way.

I used to have a recurring dream theme when I was a kid. It would go like this --- I would be in a bad spot and in need of help. I would call out for help but people would just look through me and walk on by. Guess what? Those dreams stopped when I left home to go to college!

The point I'm making that once you're out of that toxic environment, you need to take the time to heal. When you're out on your own, you also begin to see that you were raised in a dysfunctional family and all the horrible things that your parents predicted would happen to you, just didn't happen.

As SoulfulSurvivor so aptly put it, no one has the power to make you feel guilty. It takes time to heal and realize that but you must keep telling yourself this. When I think of it, living with an NPD parent is not unlike living in a war zone. Only after you leave, do you realize that you are left with a form of PTSD.

Don't fall for it if someone tries to play the blame game with you. For example, say you were meeting your mother to go out to dinner. You suggest a restaurant saying that you heard they had good food. Your mother says "OK, let's give it a try". You go and your mother hates her meal. She then blames you because you suggested the restaurant. If that happens, you need to speak up. Tell her you are sorry she didn't like her meal but it isn't your fault. Also point out that she could have nixed your suggestion and offered up on of her own. If she persists on trying to make you feel guilty, just cut off the conversation. Once I was on my own, I felt far freer to speak up to my mother than when I was a child.

Take the time to heal and feel good about yourself! I wish you all the best.
 

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