Date:   6/20/2010 8:55:38 AM ( 14 y ago)
Hits:   3,088
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=1640373

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When we start asking, "What if they don't let us go," or, "What if they won't sign the contract," or, "What if nobody believes me," etc., we are, in effect, setting up personal boundaries and limits on our options.

That this man will probably not sign any document goes without saying, though it's very important to put this fact into words. 

I wasn't slamming your suggestions, but when exiting an abusive relationship, "What if" is a very convenient and dangerous tool of procrastination.  I've been there, personally, as has every Survivor of domestic violence and/or abuse.  The victim has learned that they must constantly second-guess their choices because their abuser has brought them down so low that they can't even trust their own judgment.  Why should they?  The victim believed that they had found Prince or Princess Charming, and the truth was that they had chosen a monster.  Spend some time volunteering at a women's shelter or for an organization that assists victims (male AND female) of domestic violence and/or abuse, and you will witness how this simple phrase can set up serious barriers for the victim. 

"What if he/she _______" gives the victim the following self-response:  "Well, since I know they aren't going to let me leave, what's the point in even trying?"  Does this clear up the confusion about my comment?  Hopefully, the OP will get this picture straight in her mind and take whatever actions she must to save herself and her baby.

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