Date:   6/10/2010 7:06:40 PM ( 14 y ago)
Hits:   3,403
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=1636109

My girlfriend and I are both 45 years old. We have been together in a relationship for about three years now. We both own a home, cars, etc. She was married to an alcoholic and in a very abusive relationship. I am a very responsible drinker and only drink until I have a slight buzz, but stop at that point. She watches what I drink and how much. She feels that she needs to control my drinking (probably for fear that she doesn't want the same situations happening as did in her last relationship). She gets very snide with her comments, like "oh, I see you're having mixers" and "oh, you're drinking" and the like. I have no choice but to go on the defensive. This sometimes leads into disputes with her. She even blames me for the way she feels. Despite my best attempts to diffuse her anger, she goes off on rages. After things calm down, she NEVER apologizes. She feels justified for acting or saying what she does. She displays many other signs of a codependent. How can I work with her and get her to understand that I am perfectly capable of handling myself and monitor my behaviors even though past performances have proven that already? It doesn't stop there. She is very controlling in many other ways. She is a perfectionist and will hover over me whenever I am doing a project around the home; pointing out what I missed, didn't see, etc. She doesn't really respect my feelings. She is very affectionate, but only is that way when I am paying attention to her or when I am doing exactly as she wants. (you can laugh if you want, but the past few days I have been staying in the den just to get away from her and to avoid any further disputes). She doesn't communicate well. She claims that she always "hints" that she wants or needs something. HELP ME PLEASE!!!!!! Tell me what I can do. I am on the verge of wanting to leave her and let her deal with her own issues alone. I do love her, but can't go on in a relationship like this for much longer. Asking her to marry me at this point is not even an option ( I wish I felt differently).
 

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