Date:   5/31/2010 11:14:16 PM ( 14 y ago)
Hits:   7,371
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=1631106

Thanks for your reply MENDOMADE, I hope you are well.

Yes, I like to experiment and I think I have developed a kind of sense, of instict about this. I am very stubborn, but probably what reinforced my confidence on my way to look at things, like you say, to investigate it´s what happened to me with depression.

I don´t know if I was born depressed but as far as I can remember (now I know), much of the time I was depressed. When I turned 17 or 18 things at home became worse than ever and Depression came much more to the surface and I started to see a psychologist but went only a couple of times. I did try to kill myself very seriously when I was 25, by then I had seen a psychiatrist about three times and was his medicine (for anxiety) that I took. After the attempt he gave me antidepressants but I took them only for a short time. I kept dragging myself through life, I don´t know how, and kept seeing psychiatrist, therapists... reading all I could that was in anyway related to depression. Doctors told me I had that thing in the brain and made me depressed, I absolutely needed antidepressants, but for some reason, it didn´t make sense to me. Well, to make a long story short I always refused to take antidepressants and even a lady therapist screamed to me that she could not work with me if I had my emotions all over the place, I needed medication. I could write a long piece on why I didn´t want the medicine, but this is not the place to do it I guess, but I just refused. I had another attempt when I was 47 I think, an even more serious one than the other. Until then my highest goal had been to die not on my own hand, I didn´t want to end my life like most people that new expected me to. But at some point, this second time, it seemed I just could go further.

Well, of course I didn´t die. About four years ago (at 51/52)for some reason (I can´t remember now why) I had decided it didn´t matter what, I wasn´t going to kill myself. I felt extremely lonely and without much resources inside or out to keep on living but because I didn´t have "that" exit, I began to desperately look for something. I took out a book on Buddhism that I have been keeping for some years and I read it. I went to a cyber cafe and looked for information on Buddhism, I found E-Sangha and began on the Buddhist path. Two years ago or so, I perfectly remember the moment right to the second, I realized I wasn´t depressed, I wasn´t a depressed person. I understood beyond mind the process of things and since then I have kept at it. I have had tremendously difficult times since then, but have never, ever felt the way I used to.

So I was right, I didn´t need antidepressants and probably that´s why I trust myself on investigating. I also think it is so interesting, and probably because I am not afraid to die, I dare to go a bit beyond that other people would. I also started to tell people about this, but then realize it was too risky because I didn´t know people´s body health state, so I have stopped.

You are right, it is time to slow down and I also have to focus on trying to regain my spontaneus bowel movement and resume eating normally for nutrition.

About the hot peppers, I didn´t use pepper oil, I sometimes boiled red peppers and used the water in the enema, and others just left them for a few hours in cold water and that worked too for enemas. In my view, this enemas are the ones that like "unstocked" the toughest animals.

You´re right, I have to be careful not to get back to my previous state, but the good thing is that in some part I know how (besides the emotional and mental aspects) I got to get such a zoo inside me. What I can´t understand is WHERE was all of it... Was it like "zipped" and little by little began to balloon?

Thanks for your advise, I will follow it. By the way, WHAT IS OVA?

I feel lonely sometimes, but one good thing about living by myself is that it is only me who has to get rid of parasites... isn´t it? :-)

Thanks again and much luck to you.

:-)
 

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