Re: Zapping Zoloft... Completely off now, but a sad, scary time. at Natural Healing & Herbal Solutions w/Unyquity

MAJOR KUDOS & APPLAUSE, BUNDLES! Let the healing begin !!! (as I can see it already has, cuz your emotions are coming out of the chemical jail they've been in for almost TWO long decades!). They've got a LOT of "catching up" to do - but what you're describing is SO VERY cleansing & healing! Discomforting, scary, frustrating and bizzare? Oh yeah, but that's all totally temporary (I promise!).

I took 150 to 200mg (at times) Zoloft for about 17 years. With Uny's encouragement and hope from others who have kicked antidepressants (chiefly Uny & Miss H), I decided to see what life would be like with no antidepressant... I've been on different antidepressants a total of 25 years, I estimate. The last 18 on SSRIs. (a short terrible encounter w/ Prozac - caused terrible migraines).

And now (for truly, the first time in 18 years), YOU are going to becoming MORE yourself than LESS yourself!! Your emotions, your 'mind', your soul/spirit, your body...every part of you is going to be you...and absolutely nothing can ever stop you now!!

It has taken me about 6 weeks. Decreased 25mg for 5-7 days at a time... Has been pretty miserable. I'm sure it has - you decreased really fast (but hey, if that's how you n' your doc within wanted to do it, then that'll work!)

Each time i decreased I experienced the dreaded brain zaps for a couple days. I'd continue for several more days after the brain zaps stopped... Then I'd decrease again. 'Way to hang in there!

Today is my 3rd day completely off Zoloft after about 5 days on 12.5mg. Still having brain zaps. I've been having vivid, at times psychedelic, at times emotionally disturbing dreams for 6 weeks. (This has always been one of the symptoms of Zoloft withdrawal for me -- when I'd forget to take it)

Last night I dreamt I was at work and noticed a terrible rash on one arm with skin peeling off... I pointed it out to a co-worker, who told me with a look of horror & disgust on his face to get to a doctor right away. I looked down and saw a horrible-looking parasite protruding from the rash. It was alive and horrific looking... Other dreams were like fantastical roller-coaster rides -- could have been kinda fun, only they left me exhausted. Another one dealt with the pain of seeing an old boyfriend remarrying an old rival -- past issue dredge-up!... So you see this is NO FUN, and doesn't exactly leave me refreshed & ready to take on the day.

Oh yeah, I remember those roller-coaster dreams (none too fondly, of course). Yep, they can be pretty exhausting...but when you figure it's your subconscious processing through the fears & emotions of almost 20 years?...well, it's nice to know our body doesn't do what a machine would do with that level of build-up being released, or our hearts & head would just expode. kaBOOM!

I know it's a good thing to be able to experience painful emotions after being numb for so long. (I've often complained over the last few years of not being able ot cry.) The pain was there... but it was building up, not being dealt with in a healthy way. But boy, this hurts. I'm tearing up right now.

And all of that "building up & not dealing with it in a healthy way" (both before you were on it and during) is one of the biggest contributors to depression (along with other physical 'clogs' and lack of nutrition). It's no wonder folks believe they can never get off them...coupled with the 'experts' telling us our neurochemistry is 'genetically programmed' or permanently altered.

I have plenty of things to be sad about, so I think this is a normal reaction to life circumstances. I do have to admit though, that I'm a bit scared. I hope I can make it through this in one piece -- process these emotions in a healthy way -- so they don't accumulate & create depression again.

Yes, I'm sure do have plenty of things to be sad about... and it's totally normal to feel scared and kinda 'shaky' (like your foundation won't quit 'tilting'). But picture in your mind something like Hoover (Zoloft) Dam, and the waters behind it are almost 20 years worth of stale, toxic (putrid even) murky & filthy emotions...but behind that stench is a crystal clear, bubbling stream of living emotional light. And you just blew up the dam...WOOHOO! Yep, the murk is drenching you right now (that's part n' parcel of the process). Don't try to dam it back up, stifle it or avoid it...because if you do, all that happens is you delay the cleansing & healing stream from getting to you.

You ARE going to make it through this in one piece, because I know you already know this is only temporary - it's just a part of the healing process (and not one bit different than getting out liver flukes or mucoid plaque)!

Now is the time for not holding back on...HOT/COLD SHOWERS!! Get that water as hot as you can stand it, drench yourself, then turn the hot off completely! When that cold water hits you...FLUSH that gunk off and out of you - LET IT OUT! What would you have done when you were a toddler or grade-schooler if you were outside on a scorching summer day and someone would have sprayed you with the garden hose? You would have screamed, and squealed, and jumped, and screamed again, and "squiggledy-wiggled", and squealed some more. It's hilarious that we do these hot/cold showers - it's goofy, it's cleansing, it's healing...and it's definitely worth "squiggledy-wiggling"and laughing for the sheer insanity & joy of it!! And every time you do it, you realize that crap behind the dam was NOT really you...and that you CAN laugh again, and that you really DO have all kinds of things to be glad about.

--You've got one of the greatest gifts of all...MILEAGE! As you learn & grow & heal now, you're NOT going to make all those silly/crazy mistakes we all made when we were young & 'thought we knew everything'. You can do anything with your life now...ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING!

You've just fought and won a battle that has slaughtered tens of thousands of people...the rest is just flushing out the sludge and realizing that you CAN do and be whatever you want to do & be. And if you don't know what that is yet...that's totally okay (cuz you've got "mileage" and you're sure you know what you DON'T want to do & be...and don'tcha wish you would have known that for sure in your teens & twenties?).

I intended to write a glowing testimonial about my withdrawal experience. You just DID...you just wrote a victory testimony...you just navigated 100% successfully through one very tough & scary leg of your healing pathway...and you did do it successfully (and you have every right to plop yourself down and gloat about it for awhile, or feel as numb as novacaine, or have a crying jag, or do something "joyously irresponsible" like blowing a wad of cash on something totally frivolous that YOU have always wanted! :)

Hopefully in a few months that post will come. Progress is a process...and you just made an ENORMOUS amount of progress!! I don't know of ANY warrior that ever fought a winning battle in any war that wasn't exhausted and covered with "yuck" when it was over.