Date:   3/20/2010 9:32:29 AM ( 14 y ago)
Hits:   12,768
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=1593280

I've returned to Curezone after a long absence.  During that time, I've run up on so many sociopaths that it boggled my mind that so many people can be out there moving through society completely devoid of a conscience.  All of my experiences were meant to teach me to better identify a sociopath and how to establish stronger boundaries.  According to most mental health professionals, nearly one in every 22 people that we meet have the potential of being a sociopath, to some degree.

One of the most common symptoms is what I term, "limited friendship."  Limited friendship is when someone will maintain a number of relationships (platonic and romantic) and make disclosures about a mutual friend or family member to the targets, and make every effort to keep all parties from meeting together, at the same time.  Social gatherings typically only include the sociopath, their partner, and one other target.  This enhances the sociopaths sense of control because there's nobody else to either support or refute whatever nonsense they are spinning about someone else or themselves.  Often, the sociopath will begin a conversation by saying, "I really shouldn't be telling you this, but so-and-so is in real financial trouble..."  It's a deliberate con game to imply that we are considered a trusted confidante to the sociopath, and that we should trust them accordingly.  If the deciet is caught, the sociopath will often express outrage and quickly (often, deftly) shift the focus of the deception to something even more dramatic.  For instance, the sociopath has been caught repeating and embellishing a confidential disclosure by the target.  Rather than take ownership of the faux pas, the sociopath will invent a more dramatic problem (my partner beat me up, last week) to deliberately deflect the focus on their actions.  Usually, the deflection is something that is so personally sensitive that it cannot be supported or debunked.

After reading some of the many past posts on this board, it seems that more and more people are experiencing the harm that sociopaths cause to others.  Sociopaths often choose targets that they believe to be vulnerable, in some way.  Kindness and the ability to feel pity are considered weaknesses rather than attributes, and it is generally through pity that they beckon the target to become ensnared.  If the target is sick, injured, or in need of support, they are made to feel either extremely indebted to the sociopath or compelled to engage in a game of "one-upmanship."  Narcissists do this, as well, and one is just as bad as the other when it comes down to the end results.  As an example, let's say that I injured myself in a fall and I tell the sociopath about it.  They respond that they'll be over with some prepared food, but it's going to cut into their personal schedule - they're doing something to "help," but at a personal sacrifice and I should be grateful and feel indebted.  Or, I tell the sociopath about my injury and they respond by saying that they are experiencing the worst migraine that they've ever had.  Any sympathy that the sociopath expresses is fleeting and, obviously, never genuine. 

The reason that I'm posting about this is simply because I've also had a series of events that have rattled my trust and reiterated the importance of personal vigilance.  Once we've been blindsided by a sociopath or NPD, it is a devastating event and there is no closure for us.  The sociopath or NPD will never acknowledge, take ownership, or apologize for the harm that they have caused, and it is never healthy or productive to attempt to make them do so.  Truly, the only cure for the sociopath or narcissist is for us to move on without one regret for doing so.  We cannot cure them or force them to be accountable unless their actions have legal consequences.  The only "cure" that we can affect is for ourselves.  Attempting to warn other people about their peril can also backfire.  Because friends, family, and acquaintances are dealt with piecemeal, none of these targets are ever able to gather together (even in a social setting) with the perpetrator to just talk and interact.  Even large events like weddings are superficial.  Therefore, the targets don't have any other frame of reference except what they've experienced with the sociopath.  Often, the sociopath is so charming that it's inconcievable (even to their partners) that they are without conscience, and our attempts to warn others will only be seen as jealous hysteria or vicious behavior.  The targets often know that something is amiss, but they just can't put their finger on what it is.  Targets are deliberately kept off-balance and in doubt.

It remains a matter of debate among those in the mental health community as to whether or not sociopathy is genetic, learned behavior, or just some sort of neurological anomoly.  Recent studies have demonstrated that sociopaths aren't hard-wired like other people, but this doesn't excuse the intentional harm that they inflict. 

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