Date:   2/24/2010 4:07:57 PM ( 14 y ago)
Hits:   1,475
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=1579307

Hi Anne,

When I got up this morning and read through my response to you I wanted to clear something up lol.

It sounds like I'm probably a heartless hard as*ed mom but really thats not it at all so I want to use an example.  

My son has his own home now but I see him all the time and talk to him most everyday on the phone, sometimes several times a night.  We're very close.

I have told him from the time he was a teenager that if he was doing what was right and taking responsibility for his actions and he got into some kind of a financial bind I would help him.  But if he was out there partying, drinking and not being responsible and got into financial trouble I wouldn't give him a dime.  He understood this and believes/knows I spoke the truth.  

There was one time where I gave him money when he was short right after he got his own house and it was only like 50 bucks and he gave it back to me the next week.  It is way different being responsible for a home and all the things that go along with it like gas/electric, phone and cable.  He didn't realize, even though I had explained it to him.  It only took him one month to get things straight and see what kind of money he had to blow after his bills were paid, the first month was harder because he had to pay all the deposits on phone, electric, pay for LP gas and cable.

When I gave him that money I knew that he was in a learning curve being responsible for a home and all that goes along with it and he wasn't out blowing his money on other things so I helped him.  But IF he wasn't being responsible and spending his money out partying there is no way I would have given him money.

See what I mean?  Both ways I have explained are coming from love.  He was doing/acting responsible and truly needed help so I gave it but if he wasn't being responsible I would have withheld the money so that I wouldn't be enabling him to shirk his responsibilities.  If that were the case and I gave him money I would be teaching him that someone is always going to be there to bail him out and he would never learn to stand on his own feet and take responsibility for his actions.

If we enable our children's bad behavior we aren't doing them or anybody else any good, we're only harming them.  Its our job as parents to teach our kids all the things and give them the tools they'll need to spread their wings and fly when their grown.  

Anyway, lol.  I just wanted to explain it a little in case I sounded heartless.  I call it empowering my child to stand on his own two feet.  I know thats what you want for your kids so I thought I'd explain it.

Enabling vs. Empowering!  Empowering wins every time lol!!!

Blessings,

Willow 

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