Date:   2/23/2010 4:07:30 PM ( 14 y ago)
Hits:   14,940
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=1578534

Once again---that's how narcissists operate, they manipulate you into thinking it is you that has the problem, not them. As part of their manipulations, they charm others outside the immediate family, perhaps even making you sound like the bad guy when they talk about you.

As for counselors --- too many of them don't recognize a narcissist when they come across one. None of the counselors that my mother saw seemed to realize she was one.

Unless your husband is fully aware that he is a narcissist and truly wants to try and change, then marriage counseling will be a waste of time and money. Again, most narcissists don't think they have a problem.

While he never hit you or your children, you all were harmed in other ways. The fact that he left you lying severely ill on the bathroom floor for as long as he did---even if it was only once---is shocking proof of the harm he caused. Even you pointed out that he only called the ambulance when your daughter arrived. Did you ever tell your daughter just how long he left you lying there? Or did he act like he just discovered you at that moment and then called an ambulance? Honestly, if that one incident doesn't convince you that he is the one with the problem, then I don't know what will convince you.

On the plus side, I commend you for getting out of your bad first marriage and getting counseling. You don't say if all your counseling sessions were with one person but it sounds like either 1) the counselor wasn't the right one for you or; 2) you left counseling far too soon. After all, you did enter into a marriage with this man. I'm not saying this to put you down in anyway. As I said, I do commend you. However, I do think that your current husband was able to snow you into thinking that he was this wonderful, charming man and he only showed his true colors after you were married.

The fact that you still love him and think that you can't leave him, tells me that you have been emotionally battered and your self-esteem right now is poor.

Remember---you found the strength to leave your first marriage and get counseling, so I have no doubt that you can once again find the strength to do it again.

Again, if you are in the US, call the Domestic Abuse Hotline, the person on the other end of the line can help you break away.

Good luck and please, please, please get going!
 

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