Date:   1/4/2010 2:58:19 PM ( 14 y ago)
Hits:   4,691
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=1549509

Hello all. I would like some advice on my married sex life. Here goes: My husband and I are in our early thirties and have been married 5 years - first marriage for the both of us. When we got together, our sex life was very... robust, as expected. We both love great sex and can get it on multiple times a day if feeling the passion. After we moved in together and the routine of life settled in, sex changed. This was very difficult for me for a good while: it had seemed that routine and normal life somehow is a separate thing from the passion we had. I'd initiate and get turned down for any and every reason: let's wait until we get home, until after dinner, after this show, I'll be late for work, I'm tired, etc.

I began to have a complex about it and that caused additional wierdness when we tried. I had to turn myself off so I wasn't going nuts about it. I got used to not being turned on, then when he made a tentative attempt and I wasn't instantly aroused, then he got wierd. Our sex frequency went waaaay down and we had some troubles when we did try.

Then something surprising happened. We went to visit his family and it was a long, boring vacation: when people worked during the week we had nothing to do.

Well, not nothing.

We had SEX! Crazy, I just met you, 3-5 times a day until your parts are sore type of sex! Woohoo! I was thrilled! Man, boring vacations are great! Don't take me to the Bahamas, take me to Arkansas!!!!! ;-)

I was excited that this broke our routine and felt great. But when we got back home, it went away again as routine settled in. Next vacation - more sex! Routine, sex disappears and this is how it goes. Vacation now has become synonymous with the amazing sex that we can have together and twice a year I'm thinking about how I can arrange some vacation in spite of finances so I can get a fix, as I'm a very physical woman.

Just recently for the holidays, we visited family and he woke up with a rock hard c**k each morning. We come back home and we both want sex and I go down on him (my specialty, thank you) and he still doesn't get rock hard through that or the intercourse. It's like he now has a mental block about sex at home. His attempts are tentative and almost any reaction of me is perceived as wierd. I can't get him to be aggressive. Last summer on vacation I couldn't get him to stop!

At this point with everything I've tried and worked on with myself, i.e. not pressuring, being open, taking initiative, making sure I'm turned on so he will feel that I'm into it, all these things have not changed anything. But one 3-day trip to his home town and he has hard ons that he loses once he comes back. I'm convinced that I am powerless to fix it on my own and that it is him that is keeping us from a fun and more regular sex life. Typically we have one mediocre session a month (yes... a month. *sigh*) and on vacation we may have 2-4 in a 24 hour period.

I don't believe it is a mistress because we recently moved cross country and experienced the same phenomenon after settling into the new place.

Here's the main thing: I do not know whether I should just enjoy vacations and wait it out over the years until things gradually get better at home or leave things the way they are. I can handle it as long as I don't lose the vacations.

If I do bring it up, to point out that it's something going on with him, I can contrast vacations to home life. My ENOURMOUS fear in doing this is that it will make him conscious of himself during vacations and that will be wierd as well, eliminating precious vacation sex!

I am too young to lose my sex life. If I lose great vacation sex, it will be difficult. I never want to be tempted to cheat, but already my fantasies wander because fantasizing about him leads to the familiar scenario of being rejected - not so fun. If I can't get my fix from him ever, I fear it will be difficult. I don't believe I ever would cheat, but it could be miserable.

Oh, one final but vital point: everything else is great. Seriously. It's fantastic. Probably the biggest reason why I can handle very little great sex is because he's so affectionate and I get much of my physical fix that way. We cuddle nightly, we're considerate, kind, we laugh. Our marriage is great, no exaggeration, no bull. Oh, and I haven't "let myself go" either. I weigh the same as when we married and I go to the gym regularly. I can't see us ever splitting up - this is for life so please your advice as this will effect my sex life for life!

Thank you.
 

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