Date:   11/25/2009 3:25:54 AM ( 15 y ago)
Hits:   2,533
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=1529660

I have been in an abusive relationship for the last 6 years. After much research and trying to make sense of the way I have been treated, I recently came accross a checklist of sociopath signs. My current boyfriend exhibits all of these and continues to this day to act as if I am inferior to him. We started dating in High School and when I left for college he felt as if I abandoned him. His father was verbally abusive throughout his life and even when I was dating him I saw the abuse. I suspect sexual abuse, but I brought it up in a talk once and he shut down and completely denied any of this took place. But he shows so many signs of sexual abuse at an early age making someone sociopathic and narrsacistic in later life. His father cheated on his mother after being abusive to her for twenty years of marriage. My current boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship and he feels as if I left him like his father did. He resents me for leaving for college and blames me for his life turning out the way it did. When I left he graduated from HS and had a job. But a year after he graduated he was fired, had a lot of jobs for a short period of time, and was usually fired from those. He always made excuses about why he was fired or why he hadn't gotten another job. He hasn't started school and has been out of HS for three years. He blames me. He is extremely verbally abusive and it has escalated to physical abuse on more than one occasion. The verbal abuse usually comes when I am bothered or bring up a problem in our relationship and want to see if we can work on it or fix it. He denies that there is a problem and says I am crazy and the problem isn't him, it's me. He says I create the problems and I cause the fights. If I talk about my problems or have a bad day he says he doesn't want to hear about it and says that it's not worth discussing because he can't do anything about it and neither can I. When we fight he calls me ugly, fat, worthless, a liar, stuck up, impossible, and every other word you can imagine would come out of someone this unstables mouth. Every response to a question is defensive, as if I am accusing him of something with each question I ask about his day. Whether it be simply what he did that day or a question about his friends. He says it's none of my business because I am not there and it is too tiresome to explain every detail of his daily life over the phone. I never ask for every detail and when I ask a simple question like "how was your day?" It turns into an all out battle where he concludes that I don't trust him and that I need to stop acting so crazy. He recently told me that each time we talk throughout the day or week that it makes him depressed and in a bad mood when he is with his friends having fun. He suggested that we talk less because it is just too agonizing to talk to me. He says he gets bombarded with questions everytime I call and he feels like I don't trust him and want to know everything he is doing all day. He told me it is totally normal and alllll of his friends that are in long distance relationships only talk once or twice a week and they are doing great. I told him that isn't the type of relationship I want and asked him to try harder and show me he cares at all. Well he said that it's not his problem to show that because I should try harder. He says I push him away because I am so insecure and can't trust him. None of this is true, despite his cheating on me a year ago. I forgave him and as far as I know he hasn't cheated on me since, but I can't be sure as I am 2000 miles away. When I do come back to my hometown I fall back into the same routine with him. I end up gaining weight, doing everything I can to please him, going through ridicule on a regular basis for how I look, act, and talk around his friends. I feel as though I am under constant scrutiny. He tells me no man could ever want to be with someone as crazy as I a, that he has held the relationship together, and that i am lucky to be with him. He always has to have control in the relationship and never gives me breathing room. I have a succesful job, my own apartment and car, and have a lot of things going for me where I live. he resents me for all of this and says I ruined his life because if he would have brkoen up with me a long time ago he would be in school and have a job because he wouldn't have been waiting for me. I don't understand what waiting for me to graduate college has to do with bettering himself as a person, but he blames me for everyting that has gone wrong in his life. There is extreme verbal abuse, manipulation, and physical abuse in certain situations with him. When I do stand up for myself he becomes defensive and goes on the attack. He will scream at the top of his lungs and hit things in order to get me to back down and i find myself constantly apoligizing, even though I know I'm not wrong. He puts words in my mouth and is dillusional about situations involving himself. If I have absolute proof of something he will deny it to the bitter end even if he knows that I know the truth. The first summer after I came home he was dating someone and had been for the entire year I was away. I came home and saw him the first day and he had a hicky on his neck. I asked him about it and he said it was some crazy girl at a club he had gone to. Well the next day we had plans to go out to lunch and spend the day together. He made excuses all day about why we couldn't see each other and finally that night I went out and got a drink and he told me he would call me after he left his friends house. One of my friends in my hometown met me at the bar and told me to get into her car and that she had to show me something so i would believe her. She drove down a street where his truck was parked outside of a house that I didn't know. She told me it was his current gfs house and we waited outside(I know that seems odd, but after all i had been through I needed validation.) I called him while he was inside and of course there was no answer. He came outside a while later and she followed hand in hand. He gave a hug and a kiss outside of his truck, got in, and called me as he drove away. I answered and told him to meet me at the bar where i had left my car. When i got there i confronted him about the girl and the situation and he lied to my face telling me i was insane and that i had problems because I couldn't trust him. Well I am still in this relationship and I have no idea how to get out. I feel like he has manipualted my mind and made me feel like I am dependent on him. I have never been this type of person and now I just want to let go, but each time i try he either comes back and begs for my forgiveness or I end up caving and calling him back after ending the relationship.He is narcasistic and obsessed with himself. He always talks about how he is so perfect and hot and that so many girls want him. It makes me sick because he acts so perfect and tells me I am worthless and stupid all the time. I feel trapped. Anyone else ever been in this situation? I feel like it's the most crazy kind of "love" in the world because I love him and he supposidly loves me, but no matter how hard I try to break free I always come back for more as if i enjoy the abuse.
 

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