Date:   9/19/2009 3:29:58 AM ( 15 y ago)
Hits:   3,892
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=1493144

Wow, just wanted to thank you for your willingness to "reach out" with your own history. You're an example many could follow :)

My own case *does* involve weight fixations, but not so much on the number as the fact that at any HIGHER weight (I'm actually <80 right now though 5-4" but I think that has a lot to do with no muscle mass/bone density because I LOOK more like 90 something and have a LOT of body fat hidden under the clothes..) I get completely bloated/tons of body fat as soon as my body gains weight. I can't seem to gain weight in a "normal" manner and have a balanced body. My weight at its "normal" stages (pre bulimia) was usually <100 or so -- I have a small frame and not much muscle at all, small bones.. It's not really that I'm stuck on the NUMBER as much as I am on the feeling of having a body that's not stuck with weird fatty deposits everywhere (especially stomach/waist but I even have a double chin/bloated face though so underweight!) That's another reason I am anxious about standard medical help -- they don't really believe in whole foods/supplements/herbs etc and "normal" food has always been majorly toxic for me (get bloated/gassy/sick -- in fact it's the gassiness that made me start taking laxatives originally, not any intention to lose weight but then it too became part of the addictive cycle..) I think that there are a lot of imbalances in my body/it's completely toxic which is another reason I turned to massive amounts of food because I hear what you're saying -- nothing made me feel nourished, really. I get what you're saying about having problems throwing up -- I had to wrap tight layers of bandages on my stomach (compress it) to make myself throw up. I'm amazed and touched that you'd share your own personal history just to help me with mine.

I DON'T have a hard schedule at this time at ALL.. like you my time is pretty much my own so ANYTHING you do no matter how much work/time, would be great to know. My bulimia has completely messed up my whole body but it's also made me feel "trapped" -- I don't WANT this low a weight I just want NO BLOAT/unhealthy fat distribution. I didn't have this when I was at a weight of more like 90+ (still had insane bloating/body fat) and I'm convinced that it has to do with inflammation/allergies/toxins etc. The problem is, I don't know how to get past the huge physical damage to the point where all these natural methods will WORK for me, without having to go through conventional treatment, which I'm scared might mess me up to a level that is uncontrollable.. also I don't want to go for psychotherapy and that is a big part of it. And I know they wouldn't address the digestive/gas/constipation/bloating that occurs from laxative use (plus the diet they would insist on would just cause further damage?) I'm just so stuck, I feel like I'm in a huge hole and there's NO ESCAPE.. there's the "known" way out, which I'm worried ISN'T "the cure" but what other options are there..? Anyway, you have the biggest thanks for taking the time and trouble to write someone you don't even know.
 

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