Date:   8/28/2009 1:35:11 AM ( 15 y ago)
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URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=1480300

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In addition, your mother's self-esteem has been battered. That's why she is hesitant to make a move.

As to where she can go, have her call 1-800-799-SAFE. (I'm assuming you're in the US?). That's the domestic abuse hotline. The person on the other end of the line can give her some good advice --- even help her move into a temporary shelter for abused women.

Also, it sounds like your mother only has you for support. She really needs to find a support group. Again, that's something that the domestic abuse hotline can help her with. When you say your mother is your best friend...well...how can I put this? It's nice that you and your mother have a close, loving relationship but, IMO, it should be as mother and daughter, not best friends. For example, much as my daughter and I love each other, we have a mother-daughter relationship, not a best friends relationship.

While it's great that you are very supportive of your mother, she does need to interact with some of her contemporaries. However, I understand given that her self-esteem has been battered, she no doubt is not up to this at this time.

If she won't call the domestic abuse hotline, you can call them and explain your mother's situation. They can give you some advice on how to proceed.

But, yes, in the end it's ultimately her choice as to what to do. You and your husband have offered to help her but she has to grab that life line you've thrown her.

I also think that you, too, are in need of some support. After all, your childhood years weren't pleasant and now you must feel burdened with worry about your mother.

As for dragging your dad's name in the mud, that doesn't necessarily have to happen that way. Your mom should get a good lawyer and work to have a clean divorce free of a bitter, dragged out fight. She should also make sure that she gets some alimony. If they own a house, the judge could order it sold with the proceeds split between them. With a clean divorce, no one has to know the reasons for the split.

And may I offer up some advice? Base your decision on where you'll go to school on what's the best school for you, even if that school is further away. If you want to offer your mother a place to stay until she gets back on her feet, she can go where you are.

Good luck and either you or your mother call the domestic abuse hotline!
 

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