Date:   7/28/2009 2:34:13 AM ( 15 y ago)
Hits:   3,153
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=1463518

you know what I just figured out today while I was in my car driving to work with my sunglasses on to cover the tears of sadness, fear, and contempt streaming down my face; that even after 3 years of crying more than anyone should ever have to cry in their entire life and wanting to kill myself so often is seemed like a normal thought, is that I AM STILL SURVIVING.
I just had a wonderful and rare 2 month break from my major Depression cycle, which may be why a positive thought such as this came to me but I realized so many people don't make it though what we go through. So many people take the easy way out and fulfill their suicidal thoughts.
I'm not going to lie, I get too scared to open my e-mail, or open my mail, or even go on facebook because I'm terrified that I will get bad news or I will have a new problem arise and I will have to deal with more stress that frankly I'm to fragile to handle. But eventually I do open them and I do get bad news and now matter how hard it is to deal with, I do, because I'm going to survive though this and win!
I have failed college classes because instead of going to class I'm in bed crying but that's ok because I'm still alive! and in all truthfulness I'm not alive for myself, but I'm alive for all the people who love me and all the people I love.
So many times last semester I thought about killing myself, I had so many detailed, thought out plans, but I thought about how horribly it would affect my roommate and my family. I didn't let the Depression win completely.
I just wanted to let everyone going through Depression know that YOU SHOULD BE SO PROUD OF YOURSELF FOR LIVING AND SURVIVING this hell on earth. YOU ARE SO STRONG NO MATTER WHAT YOU THINK OF YOURSELF BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT 1 OUT OF 6.5 DEPRESSED PEOPLE WHO COMMIT SUICIDE. YOU ARE AND WILL SURVIVE BECAUSE THERE WILL ALWAYS BE PEOPLE WHO LOVE YOU AND WILL HELP YOU IF YOU WILL LET THEM. IF YOU NEED HELP, ASK FOR HELP. BE PROUD THAT YOU CAN HANDLE THE NORMAL EVERYDAY LIFE EVERYONE ELSE HAS TO GO THROUGH PLUS THE PRESSURE OF DEPRESSION LINGERING BEHIND YOUR EVERY MOVE. YOU SUPER STRONG AND AMAZING FOR EVEN OPENING YOUR EYES IN THE MORNING AND I APPLAUD YOU FOR WHAT YOU HAVE TO GO THROUGH AND YOU ARE STILL SURVIVING!
 

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