Date:   7/12/2009 5:20:17 PM ( 15 y ago)
Hits:   5,047
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=1455070

The difference between good and toxic friends
by Allen Teal

There is a saying that goes like this: "It's hard to soar with the eagles when you are living with turkeys." This is a good description of the effect that friendships can have on a life. A friend can either help you soar to new heights or hold you down. Those who help you fly are good friends. Good here means good for you and is not an expression of the closeness of the relationship. If a friend keeps you from reaching your potential, it is a toxic friend.

The problem is being able to tell the difference between friends that are good for you and those that are not. It is not always easy to distinguish one from the other early in the friendship. Later in the friendship, it can be hard to let go of a toxic friend because affection will develop. It is important to decide as soon as possible which type of friend you have made and keep the good friend and lose the toxic one. No system can furnish you a perfect way to tell a toxic friend, but there are some signs to look for when making a new friend.

A toxic friend will highlight your negatives more than your positives.

If you make friends with someone who is always telling you how dumb or stupid you are, they are likely to be toxic. The same can be said for someone who belittles you in public. If you are overweight, for example, a friend who frequently points out how fat you are in front of friends and others will almost always be toxic in the long run. This is the way a toxic friend establishes that they are better than you are. If they can make you believe you are less, it will make them seem like more.

Someone who has a history of being unloyal to their other friends is probably toxic.

Toxic friends like to look out for number one. Because of this, they will embrace others more than you when they believe it serves them best to do so. If they have done a sufficient job of eroding your self-esteem, you will still follow them while believing that you deserve such inferior treatment.

People who become toxic friends often will lead you into dangerous or illegal activities.

A toxic friend will encourage you to drink too much or experiment with drugs. The same type of friend may ask you to help them in a fight. They may invite you to assist them in committing a crime. Some extreme cases of toxic friends will physically abuse you and expect you to take it because it is what you deserve.

A toxic friend will try to isolate you from people and opportunities that can help you become better.

One of the most certain signs of a toxic friend occurs when they try to separate you from people who genuinely care what happens to you. Since toxic friends tend to be predatory, the effort to get you away from your support system is deliberately designed to keep you down. They will discourage educational opportunities or new jobs that may increase your self-confidence and self-esteem.

Good friends will try to help you improve.

Friends who bring positive influences into your life to help you move forward will be good friends. These friends will warn you of dangers while looking for opportunities for you to better your situation. A good friend will often offer to do an activity with you to help you succeed. This can be taking a class or joining an exercise group.

Someone who compliments and encourages you can become a good friend.

People who point out your strengths while helping you to improve your weak areas will be great choices for friends. Everyone needs people around them who notice when things are done right and mentions it. You also want someone around you who will assist yout o get up and try again when you fail. Good friends never kick you when you are down.

A good friend will not deliberately enable you to keep going the wrong way.

Friends who stand between you and bad choices are always good for you. People have to learn to make good choices in life, and good friends help make good choices. They are willing to take the time to help you sort out the tough choices to arrive at the one in your best interest.

The difference between a good friend and a toxic one is often easier to see from the outside looking in. However, there are times when a person must work as hard at choosing friends as they do at buying a car or a house. Picking good friends instead of toxic ones can mean the difference between success and failure in life and in relationships.

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