Date:   7/6/2009 9:50:35 AM ( 15 y ago)
Hits:   23,054
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=1450595

I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for just over two years, and we've known each other for around 6. We tried dating on and off over the first few years, but it was more like somewhere between friends with benefits and a true relationship. Never negative, never any fighting/arguing, never a mean word said, it just didn't work out or make sense until this current actual relationship.

Anyway, for the first 6 months or so, we had sex regularly (about 2-3 times per week), and eventually we moved in together about 6 months into it. Sex continued to be regular and healthy, even though we had roommates and such, for the next 6 months. However, starting about a year ago, it started to taper off. All other aspects of our relationship continued to be great, we still kissed/hugged, we still hung out with each other, had meals together, cuddled on the couch to watch tv/movies, had conversations in bed together, etc., but she just slowly lost all interest in sex. As a twenty-something healthy male, I have a healthy sex drive, and have been "taking care of myself" as needed, but it doesn't do anything to satisfy the basic human need for physical intimacy.

Early on in the relationship, she told me that she had been sexually abused by the children of some people she and her mom lived with when she was very young (3-5 years old), and unfortunately she was blessed with an incredible memory. She exhibits many of the classic symptoms of a victim of child abuse (unexplainable aches and pains, loss of interest in sex/physical pain associated with sex, depression, anxiety, nightmares/sleep problems, etc.), and so there really isn't any question about why this is happening, but as a committed, loving boyfriend, I just want to help; both for her sake and for mine/ours.

I know it makes her sad that she doesn't have any sex drive, mostly due to the effect it has on me. I try really hard to be sure that it doesn't affect other aspects of our relationship, as it really isn't her fault at all. We talk about it from time to time, but her only response to any questions is "I don't know". She says that she doesn't know why she exhibits any of the aforementioned symptoms, because for the most part, she's done a really good job of taking care of herself. She's always had a job, payed all of her bills, etc. We've had a couple of discussions/arguments in which she just wants everyone to treat her normally and stop acting like there's something wrong with her (again, another symptom), but she eats terribly and has mood swings (likely bi-polar disorder, by her symptoms), and so it's difficult to just treat it as normal.

She tried counseling around a year ago, but she ended up quitting her job, and the lapse between jobs/health insurance meant she couldn't go anymore. It hurt for her to tell me that the reason she was going to counseling was for me, not for her, and so when she asked if I wanted her to go back, I said not if it's just for me, and so she hasn't gone back.

I don't know what to do :(
 

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