Date:   4/27/2009 11:55:14 PM ( 15 years ago ago)
Hits:   1,481
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=1407236

I'm sorry to complain, and I know I should be grateful since I'm making progress in about one month's time. I am grateful some of the time and other times I feel sorry for myself a little. Perhaps my biggest problem in life is loneliness. This has led to a big part of my Depression and anxiety, and even my adrenal fatigue because feeling lonely would cause me to abuse myself with food or even just staying up online when I should have been sleeping. In doing the program now, and especially implementing things which make me feel more alive(translation: hot/cold showers) it brings up a lot of feelings, such as feeling alive which can be great, and also painful feelings. It also points out, sometimes vividly, how depressed I really have been for a long time, and how I have only been existing and not living. I knew that for a long time but its just that when you gulp hot pepper and come out of a cold shower the feelings are more intense, the realizations more in your face.
Some days I wonder how I can keep going, doing more cleanses, fasting, taking on more challenges of the IP program when I feel so devoid of someone to be close to and share my life with. It gets hard in practical ways, such as always juicing alone and cleaning up and shopping and planning the program. My brain fog has made me forget to take things, one day I left my place with a container to bring IF#2 with me and then later realized I had forgotten to actually put the powder in the container. Being alone and struggling with the work of it, which feels overwhelming at times, is frustrating because I know that if I had help I could be doing the program better and progressing faster. But the real hurt is just being alone and missing the main thing that life is about--sharing and loving. So this also makes me miss out of much of the joy of life. I shouldn't dwell on all this because I know there are others with worse physical illnesses and challenges. But since this is a huge and all-encompassing part of my healing challenge I can't help but talk about it. I know that much of my state of dis-ease is that I have been alone for a long time, isolating myself and finding it hard to get what I need with others. I do feel if I can stick with what I'm doing now that I will be better socially and give myself a chance of meeting someone. Not long ago I felt embarrassed by my condition and didn't feel worthy of anyone. But I wonder how I can stick with it for a long time while living in the void I feel day after day.
I actually placed an ad at craigslist looking for others doing Natural Healing or Shulze/Christopher, or anyone who wants to heal this way, etc. and not one person responded. I may try to start a support group for it in my local area, but its hard to find the energy to organize it and I will begin working soon.
Is anyone else lonely here? As far as doing EFT for Depression or emotional stuff, I did that many times and seldom felt much effects. I am not that patient and some told me I might need to just keep doing it for several hours a day. I honestly feel that if I had someone in my life it would change a lot.
On a practical note, is it feasible to do the cold sheet treatment by myself? Sculze says just grab someone from your local health food store and do it together. Doesn't seem so easy to find someone for that.
Sorry if this is a downer for anyone. I have been flat the last few days, I stay in bed til 9:30, feeling too tired to get up sooner, even though I go to bed about 11 or 11:30. I have some good hours but do feel generally depressed, sometimes exhausted, and well-I know the loneliness affects every cell of my being. But I will stay the course, and to anyone wondering about trying the Incurables program or any part of it I think it will help you tremendously. If you have a partner to do it with how can you not get started? The rewards will be obvious very soon.
 

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