Date:   4/9/2009 1:43:35 AM ( 16 y ago)
Hits:   2,055
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=1392794

You're obviously ruminating on alot of things as we all tend to do when we're depressed. And since you're asking me to put on the amateur psychologist hat for a moment (which I'm not very qualified for even as an amateur) here goes..

Your greivances and regrets can be catagorized in two areas that are usually in conflict with each other. Namely 1) how well you've succeeded at projecting an image of distinction to the world (external); and 2) how you perceive your own life in terms of happiness and relationships with other people.

Given your original post, I'd say your lack of meaningful relationships in your life are what gives you the most pain of the two (and rightfully so). You say you're in a loveless relationship for personal reasons and you don't have kids.

Sounds alot like you married someone you don't love to support you financially because you don't believe you could do it yourself. Really? With no kids?

As for your not rising above the crowd in distinction, achievement or esteem - relax, not many other people have either. Achieving wealth, happiness and success in life is a rare thing. And given that us Americans are made to believe these things are a birthrite and critical to our self esteem - it's no wonder everyone's on anti-depressants.

And if you look at those that DO seem to have it all, dig a little deeper and you'll find that 90% of them are either a) all smoke and mirrors and living on debt and posturing; or b) had a massive advantage because of family wealth, connections, inheritance, family business, etc.

And thankfully as you get older, trying to impress the world becomes less important than enjoying your life and living on your own terms. So you have that to look forward to.

Your biggest grievance and source of unhappiness it looks like is your lack of meaningful relationships. And I think your Depression is telling you that you can't take it anymore and have to change yourself NOW to attact more and better relationships with other people.

Amateur hat off..

 

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