Date:   7/20/2003 6:48:16 PM ( 21 y ago)
Hits:   1,958
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=137507

Tracey!!!!

This is making more sense to me...

my problem with my boyfiend (in short) is this....
when we met he smoked a ton of weed.... I told him I couldnt be in the relationship with someone who does that...so he cut down to 2X a month (before it was 3X a day!)....

This is where it gets tricky.... I grew up with an addict mom, and a chronic weed smoking brother... So now... i am doing my very best to heal these parts..and not get trapped in the cycles...

My BF doesnt see smoking a little bit to be a problem... For me it is... especially with my history... so he has decicided to go see a spiritual psychotherapist about it... and see what he can dig up...

In the mean time I still get upset when he is gets even a little high... Im trapped in the old"i want him to want to change" idea.. but we are moving out of this student rooming house..into our own place.... and I am freaking out.... I got so upset with him today..because he had a drag of a joint when he went out last night...

His bit is that he feels terribly controled (his mom and all his old girlfriends focused on the same issues..and he says that he wants to be free to make his own choices)..... I cant seem to let him do that...one because of my up bringing..and two.. I dont want to be trpped in my cycle of being around drug/alcohol users...

All evidence points to him being open to change..or explore this deeper... I feel like i want the garuntee that he will change....

anywayyyyys... I have been having reacurring dreams where he acts hurtful..and is cheating on me.... like he does really mean things in my dreams...and it really drains me.... But in real life...he is supportive and open, he does so much amazing stuff for me... and we love each other.....
yikes...I guess that was long.....
I am trying to figure out if I should call it quits..or if I should focus on me for a little see where he goes with the therapist and reacess in a couple months?

ummmm... I guess I am asking for some help....
I did our charts.... he is September 29 1976 11:57 am...
and we have alot of positive stuff.... but there was one bit about how we bring lots of growth and learning to each other...
maybe you can help me figure some of this out if you have a chance...

love Yemaya
 

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