Date:   2/4/2009 10:59:57 AM ( 15 y ago)
Hits:   5,039
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=1349831

Here's an old post that may prove helpful to you:

"Relationships are hard work, but how hard should they be? When do you know you are struggling too hard to make a relationship succeed?

Deal Breakers is about getting out of this "relationship purgatory" -- where the present is unfulfilling and the future is the only thing you can hope for. But there is no magic future. If he won't work on problems today, it's unlikely they'll ever be resolved. And passively hoping for change will only cost you years of Depression or expensive therapy.

Dr. Bethany Marshall is here to remind women that relationships -- like business relationships -- are deals. In the business world, a deal breaker is the one nonnegotiable term that, if not agreed to, means the deal is off. "

"A deal breaker is a character flaw or emotional stance that significantly deteriorates the quality of a relationship. Note: Deal breakers are not minor annoying habits such as your boyfriend's chewing with his mouth open or your husband's endlessly quoting sports statistics. Rather, they are qualities that erode your most cherished aspirations for a satisfying love relationship.

But in order to spot a deal breaker, you must first have a deal. By this, I mean that you must know what you hope to get out of a relationship (other than two carats in a platinum setting). Knowing what you want is important because all relationships are built upon arrangements. Some are financial arrangements. Some are emotional arrangements. Some are marital arrangements. Some are sexual arrangements. Your relationship may contain some, or all, aspects of the arrangements just mentioned. Arrangements are best when they are agreed upon by both parties and flexibly negotiated over time."

"If you think back to the last time you were unhappy in a relationship, there is a great likelihood that your partner was doing something that undermined the arrangement you were hoping for. For example, if your boyfriend consistently refused to attend family holidays, then he was probably ruining your hopes of a relationship arrangement that included interest in each other's life and a possible future together. If he continually questioned your decisions, he could have been undermining your dreams of a relationship built upon trust. If he flew into irrational jealous rages, then he was possibly dashing your hopes of being in a stable relationship arrangement.

A deal breaker is not a deal breaker unless it destroys something that is precious to you."

From:
http://www.amazon.com/Deal-Breakers-When-Work-Relationship/dp/1416935932



This book should be required reading during middle or high school. It break down relationship problems into easy to recognize categories, and suggestion on how to proceed.

Things a good best friend, sister or mother would say...

MadArt (ist)

old link w/comments:

//www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=894395


There are questions posed in there that may make it easier to sort your feelings and thoughts...

Good luck.


 

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