Date:   11/29/2008 1:57:20 AM ( 16 years ago ago)
Hits:   3,711
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=1307444

Maybe I'm just extremely insecure, seeking validation and felt intrigued speaking with someone who found me attractive, and wasn't afraid to say so...and spoke so openly and freely.
My boyfriend doesn't talk to me. I can't have an intelligent conversation with him, or discuss important issues because he's just not interested. He can't even pretend to care about things that I talk about...he's even cut me off while telling stories of things that happened at work because he wasn't there, and doesn't care what my coworkers do...and then I'll sit there wanting to think the same thing when he tells me stories from work or talks about stuff I'm not familiar with. I can show genuine interest in just about anything, or at least feign it, and let people talk if they want to. I want to share things with him and he simply doesn't care. If I open my mouth about psychology, health, or politics, I'm sure to be ignored, or hushed.
I just don't feel I can speak freely and the communication between us is just so horrible that I'm not sure if I am happy or not. Parts of it are there, other parts aren't.

I know it's not smart to talk to strangers. Part of me was not brushing off the possibility that it could've been someone I knew...thought I don't think that's the case anymore. It was nice to at least pretend there are people out there to talk to. He might know who I am, but he doesn't REALLY know who I am. Just like with screen names and random people I mean...shit I'll reveal every last secret about myself to an absolute stranger in Tibet, what's it going to do other than take some weight off my chest?

It's not smart, it was stupid. I tried to cut off the conversation less than a minute into it when he said he called because he thought I was attractive. Maybe I am unhappy...but I know I must have been happy at some point and it's hard to resign myself to the idea that there may be no way to get back to that point.
 

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