Date:   6/27/2006 6:51:18 PM ( 18 y ago)
Hits:   11,814
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=129444

Hi Everyone,
Not really sure where to post this. I hope it will be okay here.

For years I have beat myself up thinking there was something awfully wrong with me. Today, I realized there is NOTHING wrong with me...

Make a long story short... I suffer from anxiety, panic disorder and depression, I have for about 15 years. I'm almost always nervous and edgy (except at home and then sometimes I am there also.

I work in a hospital as a cardiac monitor tech and a secretary.

Monitor Tech... I am responsible for up to 60 (usually 40-45) people's hearts. (AT least there heart rhythm.) Which is a large responsablity. Trying to find a nurse or doctor to check the patient in an emergency situation is even harder... So, while wearing the "Put your heart in MY hands hat" I feel anxious.

While wearing the "Let me sharpen your pencil and make you a cup of coffee hat" LOL
I feel anger, used, not as worthy as the pencil I'm sharpeneing. Everything is the secretary's fault.. Mrs. Smith didn't get lunch, (how about the doctor didn't order her a DIET!!) The nurse doesn't answer her phone when the pharmacy calls. (Secretary didn't transfer the call!!) You get the picture? I work on the busiest and shortest staffed unit. So almost everyone is stressed and in a bad mood everyday.

Today, I realized that I'm picking up on everyone's negative energies. I left work after a 12 hour shift exhausted (not because I physically worked hard) but because the energy of my co-workers totally zaps me! I often get physically ill because of it. Today, I was so dizzy and sick to my stomach I couldn't get out of the chair for close to an hour and the feeling lingered with me till I got home and now I'm still a bit off... But better!!!

I never seem to stay at a job for more than 3 years that seems to be my limit. I usually end up laving because of an illness. 8 years ago when i worked at the hospital I ended up leaving because the doctor's thought I had a severe Latex allergy. Which I never tested positive for but still have some problems with. Anyway, I rattled enough.
Thanks for listening any comments welcome,
Love, Libra
 

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