Date:   11/2/2008 9:09:44 PM ( 16 y ago)
Hits:   2,088
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=1291076

If the truth is as you've stated; there isn't and never was "butterflies in my stomach" love in your relationship, he doesn't take up the parental role in your household and he doesn't take your criticism at face value, then there doesn't really seem to be any added value to him being a part of your family.

Still, I have to wonder: if he's so passive, then why is your son so fond of him? For the same reason your daughter "likes" him?

Also, construction work is tiring. I can imagine him being dead beat at the end of the day. Because you see guys with beer bellies and butt cleavage doesn't mean it isn't taxing on their bodies. What they do is like visiting the gym 8 hours a day, except that they don't mind their diets as much as the avarage health nut. I can imagine his performances in bed have to suffer for his performance on the job.

Still, it doesn't give him the right to dismiss you with the wave of the hand and claim it'll "get better in a few days." Either it gets better now with conscious effort or it doesn't get better at all.

When he's off, what does he do that gets on your nerves?
Do you have any idea when he will retire and do you think your relationship will improve if he's relieved of the stress his job causes?

Also, ask yourself these following questions:
- If I do decide to leave, what will the consequenses be? drawbacks & benefits: be honest with yourself!
Do I have to sell my house? shallow thing yes, but with the current financial crisis you have to keep it in mind)
what will my children think of my decision? (try to gauge their reaction, or even better, make them part of the decision making. BEWARE though: NEVER let them feel like the responsibility of your happiness is on their shoulders)
where will I live? I don't know if you have much close family, but it might be a good thing to keep in mind when moving. It makes things easier knowing you've got someone to fall back on not too far away and cousins can be great companions for your children.
Also, is it really necessary to move a state away? Isn't there a way to keep your kids in the same school they're currently attending without living next door with your soon-to-be-ex?

BUT, Before you take this plunge, I strongly suggest you talk to your man once more.
Ask him on a day when he's off from work, so his mind is sharp and he's less likely to dismiss your concerns because he's tired.
Tell him the truth, simple as that. And ask him what he wants from this relationship, because he doesn't seem so sure about it either.
Don't make it sound like you've already made your decision, but try to be open if he's genuinely willing to change.
Don't start with a pile of accusations. Imagine what you would do if the situation was reversed.

Based on your replies, this is what I think of it. I still think your children's interest should be above everything else, but if staying doesn't add much to their happiness and it clearly doesn't to yours, then I would start making well thought out plans of your departure.

Hope this helps some. Keep us posted on how you're doing!

 

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