Date:   10/16/2008 8:53:37 AM ( 16 y ago)
Hits:   7,235
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=1278251

We have become a Society of individuals that requires answers and validation because we have been taught that the world is "all about me."  When dealing with NPD, there is no closure, there are no answers, and we must learn to validate ourselves.  Certainly, it's difficult when we have a parent who is NPD - we feel that we owe them our loyalty and respect, and that we need their approval to be valid because that's been the game that they've played with us - that just isn't so. 

First of all, you will never, ever, ever "earn" your mother's approval - a malignant narcissist revels in the power that they feel when they draw in and deliberately (and, cruelly) crush the hopes and dreams of their supplpy sources (victims), then turn around and place another carrot of approval in front of our faces.  This sense of power and control is almost as much of a rush to the NPD as an orgasm:  it's a viceral, physical rush.  A malignant narcissist feeds on our emotional responses just like a vampire because they are devoid of empathy, understanding, conscience.  Take the time to visit this superb site, read, and learn about what you've endured your entire life:  http://www.ultimate-self.com/the-narcissists-revenge/

Secondly, after 10 years of therapy, you may want to consider finding a new therapist/counselor - there is no need for any human being to become dependant upon a therapist or counselor to cope with daily living.  Period.  Attending years upon years of counseling will do one of two things:  make us nuts;  make us dependant.  Human beings must make every effort to heal themselves and become successful, productive people, regardless of their personal issues.  Sometimes, we need help temporarily, but spending a decade in counseling doesn't help anyone - it just lines the pockets of the therapist.  If we are legal adults, we are responsible for our own choices, regardless of our past histories, and we have to take the necessary steps to fix what ails us and our choices. 

As an aside, I was taking antidepressants for 2 years and I never needed another psych drug from the day I left my abusive ex - I wasn't nuts, HE was.  Since that time, I have experienced terrible loss and tragedy and I have experienced the human emotions that are part of Life and living - all without chemicals, and I am grateful for having been able to feel what was (and, is) normal.  Even when I was enduring personal tragedy, I chose to allow myself to feel what every human being should without dulling my feelings with chemicals, and became a more empathetic member of humanity for those experiences.

The need to sleep with random people is a symptom of the need for validation.  We know that sex is powerful, but those of us who have been shaped and molded in a narcissistic environment do not understand that love is not the same thing as sex, and vice versa.  We believe that sex is a demonstration of love, but it isn't.  Love - unconditional love - is something that we haven't experienced, and therefore, are unable to find a point of reference where "love" is concerned.  We thirst for that approval so much that we'll engage in risky sexual activities because it's the only thing that we know how to do that's emotionally safe - we know the game, the dance, and the outcome, so there's no real emotional risk for us.

I would gently urge you to seek a new therapist that isn't interested in a lifetime paycheck from a client and start doing the hard work to save and heal your Self (Self is the Life's Spark that makes you unique in all the world).  Once you have become confident, self-assured, and realize that you're just like many others of us, you will be able to make sound choices for yourself that will be a benefit to you, rather than a means to an end.

My most sincere best wishes to you.

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