Date:   10/16/2008 3:06:57 AM ( 16 y ago)
Hits:   15,078
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=1278171

I won't leave you, Jus me...but I don't know if I can help much.

My experience is in other areas than yours, and a computer screen isn't often transparent.

Sure, I can indicate directions to look in, regarding the splitting of a business.

I can imagine and say ways to be safe while doing that, even if I am wrong. But, since this is online, you have to decide...and do.


"'Taint easy, Magee," as his wife, Molly, used to say to her radio show husband, Fibber Magee.


To be perfectly frank, I have no way of knowing if your husband is a true narcissist.

Is there such a thing as a 'beginning' narcissist?

He compliments you...he shares his time and your business with you...he is charming. Could he be a little boy who hasn't yet grown up?

There's a book called, "The Peter Pan Syndrome."

Armchair quarterback that I am, I felt that Jim Baker, the television evangelist, was a little boy who hadn't yet grown up.

Is a person afflicted with the 'Peter Pan' syndrome, a narcissist? I don't know.

Or, is he a 'narcissist in training'?

These are questions for a specialist...which I am most certainly NOT.

If your counselor doesn't do narcissism, and that's what you believe your husband has...I'd ask her for references to someone who does...no reflection on her talents.

And, if there is a business to be split, I'd rush to a lawyer or firm of lawyers who know how to do that.

My own lawyer, in a firm, told me plainly that he specialized in family law, but that the firm had other lawyers who knew how to split a business in a divorce situation. He was the one who got stuck with my crying and 'stuff'.


As for the looking at other women, and p 0 r n, that's a whole different story.

As I understand it, people learn their sexuality from their early sexual experiences. And certain preferences are mighty hard to change...if it can be done at all.

If your husband is stuck in one of those preferences, like, say, a p 0 r n addiction, the job of 'changing' him might be far beyond your capacity to help him.

This, again, is your responsibility to decide. I think you have already decided you don't want that in your marriage. The only thing to do now, on this one subject, alone, is to find someone who can tell you how YOU can help him...in a way that works...or leave.

Certainly you will be sad about that, and wish it could have been different, but you must see that, if the p 0 r n or 'other women' things can't be 'changed', the marriage is broken...whether he is a true narcissist or not...whether there is a business or not...whether you still have feelings for him or not.


My oh my, don't I sound harsh?

But, you see, I have been where I think you are now...needing to talk it all out, to decide.

It is possible to stay there for a very long time. I was there for years. Talk can be endless.

Add in a business to be split, and...well, you know...you can see it.


I was once acquainted with a man and his long-time live-in woman who were deeply into a very difficult business.

She told me more of the story...

He had been married, but took up with a younger girlfiend, on the side. Once the relationship with the girlfriend was well established, he left his wife.

Then, after a while, he took up with the present live-in, and when that relationship was well established, he left the girlfriend.

Now, at the time I heard the story, he was going with a fourth woman, and trying to introduce her into the business, right alongside the live-in.

His current common-law 'wife' was excellent with the business, and I don't think he wanted to lose her services.

So, she had to do all the deciding and the eventual division of the business, which had few cash assets (the worth of the business was entirely in their talents, together, but tell that to the tax man!), and their small home and belongings.

She did it all, with a smile on her face...and a broken heart. It also took ages.

When it was over, and she had sold the little house, and moved away to live with family for a while, he promptly married the newest lady, and spent most of what he had on a lavish wedding. The business would have to survive on credit, if he could get it. Creditors were already trying to find him.

A little boy who had to have his 'next' all lined up before he could leave the 'last'.

He was a hard worker, and as nice as pie, but he wasn't mature. And there was nothing his current lady could do about it.

Later, she moved in with a sweetheart of a guy, and she told me that was the first time in her life she went to sleep at night with a man's arms around her.


I also was told by another lady that the part of her marriage she valued most was 'pillow talk'...the long conversations they shared at night, in bed, about most anything that interested them.

I, of course, was astonished that such a thing existed, and envious.


I guess it takes all kinds of people to make the world go 'round.

We make our choices according to what we know at the time. Hopefully things will turn out the way we wish.

In the end of a marriage, when all the dust settles, we see that it was all very simple choices...yes, or no.

But, oh, the feelings we think we have to plow through!

We may not 'have to', you know. Sooner or later the fog and smoke lift, and we see how simple it really was all along.

I wish, for you, 'sooner', Jus me.

My best,

Fledgling
 

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