Date:   10/13/2008 9:50:30 PM ( 16 y ago)
Hits:   3,383
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=1276519

Hello 102889,

Thanks so much for reaching out. It does sound as though you have a lot on your plate!

Why are you and all your siblings still living together at home? Do you have any alone time? If so, how do you spend it? What have you done for yourself lately that helps to recharge you or make you feel good?

See, I think you're scared. And please don't take this the wrong way. In fact, I can identify myself in everything you say.

I found this line you wrote toward the bottom of your post to be something you might want to consider.

You wrote: "Everything from my coworkers family and everybody else is making it hard for me to trust and focus on my goals."

One question is this: Are *you* making it hard for *you* to trust your goals? To stay focused? And are you doing so by simply *allowing* others to make it hard for you?

Certainly the people around you will keep taking taking taking as long as you're giving giving giving, right? That's pretty clear. As these people are not thinking about your needs, and from the sound of it, they may never. So why do you keep giving? Why are you putting them above yourself?

I think you sound like a very courageous, strong, and generous person, but I'd like to get at why you are *allowing* other people to take up your time, your resources, your money, your energy and, essentially, your life. That's precious stuff that belongs to you. What happens when that's taken from you is you end up feeling resentful, angry, and hurt . . . and you lose your way. And then other people around you - people at work or wherever - respond to that.

I'm not saying that the people at work have any right saying what they do. But it sounds to me that you are carrying around one heavy burden. And people just tend to act badly around other people with heavy burdens.

While I read your note, I thought to myself, I sure hope this person can get out of that house and go on their own. Then you mentioned moving back to the state you previously lived in. I don't know if that's right ffor you or not now, but separating from your family for a while - until you can find ways to take better care of yourself and establish some clearer boundaries - sounds like a good idea.

Try starting with transferring all your bills out of your name. If you have some money put aside, do not give any more of it to your family. Take it and find yourself an apartment.

That's the first step.

The second is to either show up at work smiling and without a care in the world (i.e., don't let those people get to you - but rather detach) or find a new job in a less negative environment. I think getting out of this situation with your family is going to help you tremendously in adopting a more positive attitude. And people will respond to you.

Like attracts like. :)

You're not a victim - to anyone. And you're certainly not a victim to yourself. What are those goals you mentioned? Tell me some. I'd love to hear about them. How can you begin to implement them? Is there something that scares you about meeting a goal or about doing something just for you? If so, feel free to write that here too.

The third step - once you've cleared the air in the workplace (by not allowing negativity to affect you and not bringing negativity to work) and once you've removed yourself from your family and their financial demands - find a trusted therapist (I'm happy to give you a referral if you write to me privately) or life coach you can work with on some of those goals. And if you want to work through e-mail or phone, you can contact me privately.

Sometimes it's easier to point the finger and blame others for standing in our way - but more often than not, we're the only ones standing there, blocking ourselves from the real joy that awaits us.

Oh, and for some reason, this book came to mind. You may want to check it out.
http://www.amazon.com/Meantime-Finding-Yourself-Love-Want/dp/0684848066/ref=p...
It's a lot about relationships, but this is striking me right now as something you could use. If you haven't read Iyanla Vanzant, just put her name into Amazon and see the book titles that come up. There are some good ones.

Also, this is another title that is only a penny right now on Amazon. This has helped many people who have difficult time setting boundaries and saying no:

http://www.amazon.com/When-Say-No-Feel-Guilty/dp/0553263900/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?i...


I send you love and light, welcome you to contact me more post more here, and encourage you to consider getting out of your own way so that you can begin living that life you're referring to in between the lines of "taking care" of everyone else.

Sincerely,

Bella

 

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