Date:   10/4/2008 4:55:21 PM ( 16 y ago)
Hits:   13,925
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=1270638

Hmm, I can certainly understand it's not a simple case of packing your bags and taking off. I don't think there are simple cases.

Your husband sounds like a very manipulative individual and the fact that you only realized a couple of days ago that he's a narcissist only seems to prove that point. You're right to thread carefully.

I read the above reply to your post and though I agree with a lot of it (if not everything) I think you should try to plan ahead, where possible. Make a list of what you think the consequences will be and what you will do after you've left him. What are your career options? Home? Who might turn against you and who would support you? These might not be the most important issues (no 1 is happiness after all!) but they are the first you'll encounter.

It's good that atleast someone close to you knows and understands the tricky situation you're in. Tackling something like this...you need all the support you can get.

Now, about your son. You haven't really given many details except that he's everything to you and that your husband realizes that very well. How does he feel about his dad? Would explaining things to him help, or is he very close to his father too? Still, even if the latter is the case, telling the truth is always the best option, no matter how much it'll hurt him. He'll always be your son and you'll always be his mom. Unless you've done something to deserve it, he'll never really hate you. Not from what I've read in your message.

I'm your sons age. You might take that as a reason not to take my message seriously. After all, who wants a 20-something girl telling you what to do?

When it comes to financial and legal matters, you're right: I won't be able to help you.

I might however, be able to offer a perspective from your son's point of view. I have a dad who is a slightly better version of your husband (excuse me if this insults you.) A lot of things that define a narcissist are in his personality as well. That's why I always clashed with him. My mom is the complete opposite (calm, kind loving) and there were times she threatened to leave him. But she's in a wheelchair and she has MS. He provides the income,he.. well it comes down to this: if she would leave him she'd buy herself a one-way ticket into a nursing home and lose everything. And he knows it too.

I love my dad (he's my dad) but I love my mom more. And I swear that if she'd been able to walk and work, I'd have liked her to stick to her guns and take off. When a two people grow distant it's best to leave. Especially when one of them is potentially dangerous and has used violence against you before. My dad treats me better than my mom, and he hides everything, but I can read between the lines. I imagine your son can too.

Don't be afraid to chase your own happiness. In the end, it leads to more happiness for the people close to you as well. The ones that matter will come around and stick by you. But make plans, be careful and be smart. He might be manipulative, but you're rational and intelligent. Stick to your guns and DO IT.

I hope my comment helps. My English is not that great (it's my second language) so you might find some things that strike you as funny (pun intended) but I hope my message came across.

I wish you the best of luck with this and I hope you'll keep us informed on what your plans are (going to be.)

~Jade

 

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