Date:   9/13/2008 10:23:18 PM ( 16 y ago)
Hits:   3,819
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=1257205

Good god.
I've been watching this thread for a minute and have been reluctant to respond.

Nobody expects you to be over heart break after 2 weeks. We don't expect you to be throwing a pity party either though. And the only reason you'd be accused of that, is because you "came here for advice" and no matter how much advice, kind words, or tough love you get, you don't seem to want to take it.

You are in denial. You are young, she's probably your first love, and you obviously feel very hurt that she is ready to take life by the horns. I didn't realize what Real Life was all about until after I left for college, after I left the dorms, and started living on my own with my own bills, and surrounding myself with those who also were supporting themselves in the real world. She's going to be experiencing things you've never thought of.

The thing you have to realize is, we don't take pride in telling you, "wait until you get into the real world" because we've been told that ourselves. And it sucked, and we hated hearing it. Now we're the ones saying it, and we can only HOPE that someone will listen, or understand that we might be right.

Her parents have nothing to do with this. The first time I met my first college boyfriend's parents, they still had pictures of his ex-girlfriend in picture frames! This is her life, not theirs. I can't give you very good chances, percentage-wise, that she is going to want to turn from college to her hometown boyfriend. It doesn't happen very often.

I have a friend from high school who put off college for a year until her boyfriend would be out of high school and ready for college. They both showed up at the same university as me, and ended up breaking up...which was really sad, because he gave up football scholarships at schools with much better athletic programs to be with her.

You CAN NOT sacrifice things like that, at such an age.
You also have to realize, and you may not want to-- COLLEGE CHANGES PEOPLE.
I know it's a horrible reality that you will just have to face. People change over time. The lucky ones change together; however, you are not there to experience things with her.

Many people on these forums suffer loss because their loved ones simply turn 21 and turn to a life of boozing and partying all the time...even from people they least expected to turn out that way. Sometimes they get over it, sometimes they don't.

I know when I first met my boyfriend, we were BARELY experiencing life firsthand...and we've struggled through it. I was starting my 2nd semester of college at 19, and he was moving in with a friend, away from family, with no family support. We ended up moving in with eachother. With that, we've considered eachother our first REAL relationship. He lived with girlfriends in the past, but in the comfort of the homes of one of their parents, or 5 other friends, near their families. It's not that we didn't love, or were serious about our previous lovers at the time, but we grew up and realized how young and immature it all really was.



SO WHAT YOU NEED TO BE DOING IS...accepting that all of us giving you advice have been there. We don't care if you don't want to hear what we're telling you. We don't expect you to- that's why you're here. You need to swallow our words and accept that you two may never be together again.
I look at my boyfriends from the past and, even though I loved them very much at the time, I would never go back. This is coming from a 22 year old. I can't even begin to explain to you how much change I've been through since I was 19. At that age, I wouldn't have accepted it..."me change that much from 19-22, no way, impossible. I will always be this way, this is me"
Sorry buddy but no go, it doesn't work out that way. I was mature for my age then, but experience changes everything.

Unless you've been through what half of the posts on these forums are about, then don't claim that you've been through "a lot" Unless you've been through those crappy relationships that take you years after the break up to realize how crappy they really were, unless you've suffered the injustice of giving in to narcissists, etc etc. Read the next 5 threads below yours, and try to compare your situation to theirs. They are suffering through post partum Depression with a selfish partner who replaced her unborn twins with an irresponsible bum, anxiety with a potential partner, post traumatic stress with an un-understanding partner, poor communication with a long-term married partner, and those getting the run around from their partners who just "aren't sure" of what they want. They are getting the runaround, unlike you and that's much more difficult to handle.
I'm not trying to say you don't have a "real" problem, but at least the people in the 5-6 threads below are accepting, and understanding of the advice being given to them, whether they want to agree with it or not.

If she wants space, give it to her, and don't resign yourself to the fantasy that "she'll come around" that's just you accusing her of making a mistake and you refusing to accept it.
 

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