Date:   8/27/2008 8:40:23 PM ( 16 y ago)
Hits:   5,892
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=1246344

For years went thru denial and suffered silently. As my condition got worse I begin to realize that my behavior was not natural. I was very aggressive, rude and just out right mean. I had gone thru counseling years ago and found out I have a dual personality named Gloria, she is the one who holds all the pain. You know I had hidden my past and Gloria was handling it. When I found out what happened to me as a child I went crazy. It was just too much. So trying to be brave I threw my meds away and decided to handle it on my own well that didn't work. The psychiatrist were too pill oriented and I mean heavy stuff. Here lately in the last years tried to go to a psychiatrist again but the same thing, not addressing my illness but treating me like I was crazy. I am not crazy, just have a brain inbalance. When I tried support groups they were there because they lost twenty dollars in the bus or because someone looked at them crosseyed, I was shocked, I was talking about major mental illness. So I tried the whole lot of tranquilizers and finally I discovered I had bi polar more than schiz as it runs in my family so I started to remember that my real personality was kind and gentle and when I was on my pills I was kind and gentle. I mean it is almost like a possession. I know this sounds wierd but I am hoping by me talking about this it will help someone else.

I am on a whole gambit of vits from c to a heavy duty b complex from merck. I take brewers yeast, ginkoba, calcium, lots of flax seeds, etc. I am trying to get better but the main problem is stress. If I get stressed out I go bananas. You know off the meds I am rude and unkind. Like I said, I go around destroying friendships, like you just don't deserve any good in your life. I had such a bad episode tonight that I wasn't sure I would wake up, it is not a good way to live but the only way I know for right now.

Getting the help you need is not easy, I find that self education is probably better than humiliation.
 

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