Date:   8/2/2008 6:07:54 PM ( 16 y ago)
Hits:   4,783
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=1229504

I have some suggestions, but not real answers.

Giving Love to your children seems like a good idea.  There may be some other steps:

If you suspect that your Ex is using infromation about you, against you, then one strategy could be to minimize the information that you share with her.

There are at least two modes of deliberate alienation.  One mode is opportunistic, but not real deliberate and dedicated.  

 The other Alientation mode is deliberately going out of her way to find information about you, and go out of her way to concoct confabulations, to alienate you from others. 

So a Goal I use, is to avoid giving Alienators, any more information than absolutely necessary, so that the alienator has less to work with.  A good day is when I have not shot myself in the foot.

 Similarly, if you let the Alienator know that you are wise to her alienation tactics, or otherwise confromt the alienator, you will set the true alienator into going out of her way to alienate you.  Ordinary people respond well to confrontation.  True Alienators take confrontation as a threat.  So a good day is when you have resisted all the temptations to tell off your Ex.

 Since you have an idea that your ex is alienating your kids, and you have acess to your children, you want to follow the above rules with your chldren.  Don't let on that you are on to your Ex.

You may have an idea of what your Ex is twisting the truth to alienate you.  So you can take time to explain issues that might lead to alienation with your children.  Secondly, you can take time to ask them about any issues that the might have questions about, or might like to more fully understand.  Take time for silence to bring up subjects that your children may have burried. 

Have some logical values, and solution oriented reasoning jotted down over the weeks between seeing your children, and be ready with explanation of ehtical issues that may have arisen, so you can present your side.  You may not remember to bring up the issues, and you might assume that your wife gave your side a fair presentation.  Going over issues from the near past may help your children to raise false impressions left by your Ex alienator.

If you keep a log of deliberate falsehood used by your Ex, you may be able to persuade a judge, or a therapist making a recommendation to a judge, that changes in visitation of custody are needed.  I have heard of court orders that instruct the parents to refrain from criticzing the other parent.   So be sure you are not guilty, in retaliating in kind to your Ex.

It is possible that a court order, or maybe in conjunction with counseling for your Ex, might produce some results. 

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