Date:   6/7/2008 2:36:59 AM ( 17 y ago)
Hits:   3,222
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=1189627

well to make a long story short we've been talking for about a year, in Febuary we decided to take it to another level... in the last two weeks things started fallings apart...
she had a visit with her ex and she lied to me about it, she had a post sexuall encounter with him that ended because she pushed him off, she told me that experience made her realize she had no feelings for him and how much she loved me... now me it made me wonder about myself, it made me insecure... see I don't have a lot going on... her ex was a fratt boy and football player in college... she goes to LMU university, drives a BMW and has a lot going on... me on the other hand... I have zero dollars to my name, I'm 20 years old with a music label and truck business that's not really picking up, no car, no job... not in school though I planned to be... I thought it was because of that that she may be interested in someone else... after I felt our relationship got stronger, but I keep acting insecure... mainly because I wanted to find out what I could change about myself and how I could keep her, though she wanted to keep me, I just keep placing guilt on her by going through her text messages... I stole her myspace information... and I saw the truth... she really wasn't interested in someone else...

but she found out what I had did and she got very mad at me, she feels I can't trust her and if I couldn't trust her we shouldn't be together... but I was willing to put everything behind and start fresh...

I don't know if she wants to now...

I appologized and at first she wasn't trying to hear it

then she said feelings are changed once more is revealed about a person... I know she's hurt and angered that I keep being insecure.


here is a message we recently had basically downgrading what we had

this is what she had to say

I haven't been responding to many mssgs-phone calls-or texts' for that matter...I've cut communication with a lot of ppl. basically anyone outside of this household hasn't spoken with me because I'm needing time to myself. I dwell in it from time to time. But im writing you back so u wont think that im ignoring u. I suppose im taking time to think through a lot...just needing to be alone. I can get irrational during periods where my tolerance levels are low...not for "agitating people or situations" but low for ALMOST ANYONE OR ANYTHING! ...mood swings i guess. dunno...i get like this. but it is wat it is and we'll talk later. it's not the end of the world or our friendship.

And to quickly get this off of my chest: I dont think we should continue trying to move as fast as we have been...the constant inquiry about you and I being together has been bugging me out; i don't like to be forced or rushed into anything and simple questioning or forthcoming actions can be heavy on me. I'm simply not looking for anything more than a good friendship with anyone right now. so lets keep things at the great levelled friendship that they were once at. It was easier.

Like I said...we'll talk...needing time with "me"

gdnite (:

This is my response

my bad I ment to respond but couldn't at the moment due to myspace slowness... I agree it's not the end of the world or our friendship, I also think we should be great leveled friends once again because it is easier to do things that way easier for both of us. And because we're friends doesn't mean we have to drop everything we felt for each other aside, but we do have to look at those feelings from a friend to friend prospective and that's what one would call "care" since it's something you want I have to respect what you want and abide and want the same, and I do now feel it's needed. Whether things can start up to something else again or not your always a very good friend to me and I'll always have yo back just like I know you would have mine. Gotsta let u breath and I gotsta build my chi-energy up to reach spiritual levels I never knew were possible. but no matter what decision you make I'm happy and willing to help you move on into what we both feel is needed.


she was happy that I agreed with her...


inside I feel like I shouldn't of did that... but I don't know why I did it...

I need her back into my life, I found happyness through her and I ruined a good situation...

do you guys think it's over?

what should I do?

she called me last night and I didn't get that call, then called her today she said she would call me back and didn't...


I'm hurting inside, I don't think I can ever replace her
 

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