Date:   3/11/2008 3:52:26 PM ( 17 y ago)
Hits:   1,585
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=1130509

Hey beautiful people
thanks for your wise responds.

reading the posts there are two things that occurs to me,

1. i don't wish to wallow in selfpity, i'm happy for what life has brought me, for it has made me understand stuff.
2. i cringe at the thought of someone knowing me reading the post, and saying "IT'S TRUE, YOU ARE A MONSTER"

If i were to take tryptophan, and be good to my liver, maybe my thoughts regarding having little love would disperse.
I will look around and see what i find here.

If someone came along to knead all my supposed tears out of my tissue, would i even let them? I don't wish to play the needy patient. How do i even adress this issue of being loveless, without descending into the trip of being the evil one? i considered canceling the initial post, not to delve on negativity. But in my life i have found out that what upsets you can sometimes be resolved by accepting and relaxing.

My sweetheart loved me to pieces, she thought my rigidity would melt away with her love. So i guess i did not do my part. You and your friend really did some marvelous healing Zoebess.

When posting this i did not think i was depressed. I've been depressed in various periods in my life, there was always oppression involved, the feeling the world was squeezing me, wanting something from me. Now it is not so, not so much. I would like to have love for the people i love.

Maybe that's the chinch, that i turn rigid when i feel someone wants something from me, that me doing what makes me happy is not enough. Man, what a selfish bastard, i don't see anyone living with me.

Now my gender is also known, :) I hoped to make my first post gender neutral so not to arise the default fury of the women here towards bastard men. ....here i am *exposing chest for the expected dagger

maybe i am depressed (apart from being a whining loveless bastard) i will ponder this as i go about my day.
if i have humor though, i can't be that miserable. But this issue of making others close to me suffer is no joking matter (yes, i am thinking of the cat, who now is sleeping in our car under the full midday sun)

cheers beautiful ones



 

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