Date:   3/8/2008 2:25:53 AM ( 16 y ago)
Hits:   7,218
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=1128276

Hi again Fledgling and SoulfulSurvivor....well...thanks for the replies....before her rapid departure, we were starting to get into some of the details, I used that technique mentioned earlier. I said to her I will tell you about my experience if you ever want me to; and I left it at that. In our talks, she never asked, but I made mention of sounds, tastes, flashbacks, etc. She seemed to understand and then really started talking and disclosing. Then, through a series of what I think were unrelated events, she got mad, went to the school psych and her academic counselor, saying she hated me and had to be away from me. I've seen her a couple of times, and she won't look at me nor acknowledge me. Yet when other students talk with her, she doesn't speak badly of me, just that she is busy.
She doesn't go see the psych anymore either now, so her support now is the gang and drugs. Breaks my heart, but, we all make choices, and those choices can be good or bad, we just have to live with them. Before her attack, I was discussing that lesson, and it did bother her. She was comfortable in acting like life just happens, our choices have no effect.
I had 2 other events this week, made me sad - and one of the other kids sort of saw me in a moment of weakness. She liked it, seeing me mad and yet still able to function. One of my kids tried to commit suicide, security found her passed out in the bathroom. They got her up and took her to the nurse where I met up with her. I stayed with her until the paramedics arrived and took her away. We talked about the pressure she was feeling, why did she want to die, and so on.
Then later in the day, one of my other girls came by to get her belongings out of the room. She disclosed an attack on her which I reported, as required by law. Well, the poor thing was more worried about her mom's reaction than anything else. Her mom has a history of beating her and moving schools in order to keep her from making friends or developing trusting relationships. And sure enough, mom made her move schools since this happened to her and told her to not keep in contact with anyone from the school where I am. She cried, I felt like crying, she had the look of quiet resignation, like it was preordained that she would be blamed for being raped and accepted her daily beatings and putdowns.
After she left, this is when I sorta lost it, kicked a desk and threw a book. I turned around, another one of my students was there to see. I just apologized and said I had no excuse for my outburst. She just laughed and thought there would be more to the show. Yet she was amazed that I was able to quickly regain my composure and talk. This has been a sad and stressful 2 weeks. Getting that "talking to" about needing to keep my head down and if students relay more drama, basically, shut them down and direct them to an academic counselor. I got the impression that a few of them felt I was overstepping my role, delving into their territory. Oh well, petty jealousy, definitely needed when it comes to taking care of abused / hurting kids. We must keep our roles clearly defined, so that the counselor can give each kid that 4 minutes of undivided attention, serious quality time.
 

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