Date:   2/28/2008 7:06:40 PM ( 16 y ago)
Hits:   2,445
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=1122526

I realize that the way I dealt with my own relationship
is not for everyone but it did work for me. I also
was/am very self confident in matters of the heart so
sort of like Demi Moore, never had a problem "mixing"
it up.

Here is a short list of the twists and turns of
my long term marriage(22 years)~~

My husband kept in touch with his childhood first
crush & her parents, his first fiance who he left
at the altar, and his former wife, and all of his
friends who just happen to be women that he has met
over the years. His best friend from college days,
who happened to be a woman artist just passed over
a few weeks ago, so their's was a life-long sweet
relationship, although they never were sexual.

I keep in touch with my first serious boyfriend and
best friend and made it part of my marriage deal that
this guy would remain a part of my life. I visited
with him last year, still friends and learned he
still calls my former husband ever year to visit.

When I was 7 months pregnant I went to visit and
spent a weekend at another guy friend's house, with
my husband's blessing. Shortly after I gave birth,
he traveled to come congratulate us and see the baby.

My best guy friend and high school sweetheart left
his wife and son for a week and came and cooked and
cleaned for us a month after my child was born. He is
a fabulous cook and it was an ultimate gift as both
my husband and I were exhausted from the new-baby schedule.

My mother is still friends with my first fiance's
mother, a man I dumped (gulp) back in 1974.

Currently I am in a relationship and lord knows this
guy has all kinds of lady friends but I also have
a fair share of male friends, some of which were
at one time, intimate relationships. However, I am
in a relationship with this guy and he with me and
we have negotiated a monogamous relationship and I
am never jealous, and very secure in it, as is he.

This may be an attitude you can cultivate and feel
comfortable with. If you have any qualms or insecurities
about your relationship and its ability to be tested by
outside relationships whether they are women or men,
old friends or new, you should consider you need to
look at your relationship and work on the trust
issues which have come up. Communication is ultra-
important and key to both partners feeling totally
comfortable with how you integrate your past and future.

I have another person who I have known for over 20
years and he was forced to give up our relationship
because of his new wife's insecurities. Ours was not
the only relationship and now I have heard through
mutual friends that he has finally gotten tired of
her not trusting him and allowing him to have friends
who are not male and has already stepped into a trial
separation because of it. So, if you try to forcibly
tie your fiance down, you may also find this is not a
perfect solution either.

So, while my path would perhaps not work for everyone,
I share it as it is a choice that does work.

blessings,
Zoe

-_-


 

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