Date:   2/27/2008 3:33:07 PM ( 16 y ago)
Hits:   35,966
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=1121550

Thank you so much for taking the time to write a reply. It helps so much to read other's perspective, when mine is caught up in it, and may not be objective. What you said about the memories most likely surfacing after you have the desire to find them, I believe is true as well, that I really don't know where I stand on believing you could tottally block out a complete memory. But on the other hand, I feel as though I was not alive before that time, that my brain only remembers the aftermath to some horrible experience or something, what would make me react so badly and suddenly to school and the fear of throwing up!? I do know I was depressed, and I wouldn't doubt my family situation did compound that, but it just feels as though I have some sort of amnesia here, or perhaps just a child under stress can develop overwhelming anxiety all of a sudden? Thats what confuses me. I guess I wonder if the probability is high for a sensitive child to develop some kind of mental issue, or if children only begins acting out and feeling terribly angry because they are reacting to something that happened to them? Which ever it is in my case, I feel it is only going to work if I have the courage to first discover on my own, as to not fall victim to suggestion (as I've heard can be quite catastrophic in this type of situation). As for spending time thinking about my childhood and how it felt, I have done that a little, and as of yet, can only feel the pain of that time, but without reason for what caused such pain. I will continue this though, as you suggest I believe it is a path to self discovery no matter what.

As for my age, I am 26 and have been in sexual relationships...although before ever having sex and even these days catch myself reverting back to this feeling that sex is dirty, wrong and selfish. (I din't grow up in a religous house either that would make me beleive this). I never really liked sex much, and have had overwhelming anxiety over certain sexual acts...but never flashbacks of any kind...
But my relationships have always been doomed by my anxiety of getting close and feeling as though I might be taken advantage of, so I leave first.

Hope this helped to give you more background, thank soo much for your words.
take care.
thank you.
 

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