Re: losing the love of my life -Update by drhiii ..... Rape Survivors Support Forum
Date: 2/16/2008 3:35:10 AM ( 14 years ago ago)
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I should leave this alone but the temptation was too great...
Based on the '180' post and rationalizations that went with it, methinks you both are in for a long, really long, rough ride. Nights like those are why you find her special? Might you be attracted to the drama or dynamics that go into the making of nights like that? A wonderful line from a recent movie was something like "addicted to chaos", an approximation.
This above is certainly not nice-nice talk, and I hope that my assumptions are flat wrong because the conditions of her past are terrible, and there is nothing that gets me up close and very personal than the defense of women and children who have been violated... but the universe is constructed of simple, repeatable patterns, and this one has all the makings of high drama for drama's sake. Almost everyone's response has contained some recommendation of help, outside help. When reading this last post however, there is nothing more predictably unpredictable than discovering deep, dark stresses within a person, rationalizing them, but skipping over them in favor "sexual healing". If the original framework of this thread is true, you, and she, may be in for a long and bumpy ride without outside influence of the professional caliber to have a snowball's chance in hell. Or, once I discovered that I liked a fair amount of disturbance in a woman, the 'pursuit' totally changed and times, fairness, and honesty were quite lovely between me and another person. Know that I am not minimizing what happened to this particular woman as it is terrible. The outcomes of human disturbance come from infinite sources, but the results are fairly simple.
Anywaz, I thought trying some of the recommendations in prior posts to create a structured future of 'hold hands, no sex, be nice' without outside influence directed towards the core problems held disasterous potential. Newsflash: few of us have the skills to solve relationship problems between the two players. But, to skip all the way past Go and feel all warmy fuzzy inside due to a 180 and one night is a train wreck heading down a dirt road. Pardon my bluntness, and I hope I am wrong wrong wrong.
What was your last girlfriend like? How long did it last? How did it end? Aside from her medicating with prozac and other things, do either of you have drinking or substance issues? I ask this last one because the grammer and syntax of your two messages are markedly different. Does low self esteem come and go, or is it with you constantly? Do you two get out and hang with other people, get out and do things, or do you trend towards isolating yourselves? Are you close with your mother?
There are very few stories or patterns in the universe and they repeat themselves with remarkable predictability. The subject that started this thread was a bit histrionic and methinks the heart can go blind which is why I am dubious about this.
I really should keep my smarty pants comments to myself. Good luck to you both. Kindness and honesty are ultimately valuable things to attain in any relationship.
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