Date:   1/15/2008 12:39:15 AM ( 16 y ago)
Hits:   3,333
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=1086296

I guess I could have made that a lot simpler! What it boils down to for me is that I have had trust issues in the past with him, though they have been unfounded. Now, it seems like there is a reason to mistrust him, or at least to mistrust him when things aren't going well between the two of us. It seems like, given a "rough patch" in our relationship, he is willing to engage in behavior that makes me feel uncomfortable or betrayed - and, to me, him having interest in another person and pursuing that in a verbal or emotional way, feels like just as much of a betrayal as the physical act of cheating.

My concern is that, since my PAST experience has made it difficult for me to trust, I am quick to be overly sensitive or prying when that trust feels threatened. And while I feel like we are perhaps at a good place now, if things go south again, I already know that I'm going to wonder if he's having pseudo-intimate or actually intimate conversations with other girls... he even said himself that i only have to worry about that kind of thing when things are bad... That means that my trust issues would resurface with him, and that would just send us into a downward spiral that we simply wouldn't be able to get out of. I think that, ultimately, I feel like I have this enormous burden to make sure that everything stays "good." But I'm only human! And the pressure of that proposition sounds daunting and I don't want to go through the emotional strain of having trust issues, potentially being in an unhealthy relationship again, and ending things with him on a bad note somewhere down the road.

I appreciate your feedback. Tonight I am really going to try to just experience and not think... I am absolutely an overthinker! I will let you know how that works out! And I think you're very right about needing to make up my mind and move on with this incident. Alas, as much as I genuinely want that, how can I learn to suppress, once and for all, that internal dialogue that so often reminds me of the issue?
 

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