Date:   1/3/2008 6:08:28 PM ( 16 y ago)
Hits:   5,130
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=1076674

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This gal lives in such fear and neediness. Rygar, don't feel hurt! Yeah, her antics suck, but they are so not personal. If you were to get in this person's head and see how awful and lonely she feels... I believe plenty of what you've said about her is prolly dead-on. If you looked inside with compassion, you'd understand her motives and not be hurt I think. Talking bad about someone gives you a kind of bond with the people you're talking to. There's an implication that raises you and the other gossipers up. This is something she seems to crave, and of course she will talk nice to your face since she's so afraid of being disliked!

Again, it's all about her insecurities.

But. Here's the rub. I know this type very well. They act nice and victimized and you feel bad at first and try to help them out but somehow they just.never.seem.to.improve. All they have to do is take a little action, a teensy bit of your advice, right? But they don't and they wonder why they're having such trouble. The victim mentality that got her your sympathy and advice in the first place is the same mentality that keeps her stuck, and that and her fear immobilizes her.

It is possible to still think kindly of this person while understanding her weaknesses, but if you try to do so with a thought that you can help and she can change, you will be disappointed, hurt by her antics, and feel duped that she got you caught up in her sympathy 'game' without any true intentions to work on stuff or change. The sympathy is not about changing and the complaining has nothing to do with a desire to fix her problems. It is only about feeling some connection and comraderie in an attempt to fill the hole.

So yeah, whether you decide to be friends or to shun her, her ways are her ways and she has many many years of work on her own issues before she could be emotionally in a place to be a better friend and coworker.
 

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