Date:   12/26/2007 11:41:47 PM ( 17 y ago)
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URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=1070941

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I think that it's all relative.  I remember one time that on PBS John Bradshaw said that the higher the pedestal you place one (or both) of your parents, the more you were abused by that parent.  (I have a brother who places our dad on such a high pedestal that I don't see how he can even find him!)  I was raised in a very strict religious home by an insane and molesting mother and an abusing and molesting father - all in the name of god.  I was strictly taught that you had to love your parents because they loved you so I played the game.  For many years I thought that I loved them until I started searching inward for peace of mind and discovered how much I hated them - both of them.

It's been a long journey but well worth the trip.  30 years of reflective meditation looking at what I have created in my life and the hate that resides in me.  As I've cleaned it out (it continues to come out, I don't really think there is an end though it does get much, much better) it has been a long, long process that has included PTSD and I've also discovered how much they hated me.  It's just part of the learning experience here on Planet Earth and as all of the dysfunctional aspects of the entire family have been uncovered, I have discovered that I do love them, though in a very different way than what I thought I did say 40 or more years ago.  As I've gone through this process I've recognized that love is not what I was taught it was.  Love isn't owing anyone anything.  It's not doing something for someone, it's not to be withheld for "mistakes" or errors.  For years I thought that I owed my parents a great deal because they told me how much they had "slaved" for me.  Well, I've learned that when you make a baby - you're morally and legally responsible for the upbringing of that child until they are at least 18!  So if you wanted to slave for me parents, that was your choice.  As a parent myself I know that parenting is not easy and I'm sure I could have done better on both ends, but I sure don't owe anything to them other than a fond goodbye - which I have given them.

Relationships of all kinds are out most difficult learning experiences during our journey on Planet Earth.

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