Date:   12/26/2007 4:58:19 PM ( 17 y ago)
Hits:   4,724
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=1070718

I have been thinking a lot about my parents lately. At am 60, my father died in my 30s and my mother died last summer. My parents divorced when I was 5ish and I lived with my mother until 15 or so, when she threw me out and sent me to live with my father. I went back a year later, but she threw me out again, and that time I stayed gone. My mother was extremely abusive, mostly verbablly, but physically to, and she was the one responsible for subjecting me to 4 surgeries on my right ankle, the last one of which caused fairly severe permanent damage (a limp, atrophy, on top of scars).

So, we did not have a good relationship.

My father was a sweet to me, but when I was forced to live with him as a teen, (that is a long story) it put a strain on our relationship that never healed.

So as soon as I came of age, I ran away...and never stopped running. To make a long story short, I ran from New Jersey to California, but inside I ran much further then that. It took me years and years to realize it, but now I bitterly regret running out on my father. I miss him terribly, and I only wish he were alive so I could tell him. But he isn't, and I ended up alone, as I was unable to create any stable relationships of my own. To a lesser extent, I regret chosing to live so far away from my mother too, as by doing that I denied us any chance of resolving our issues, and I think we could have and that would have been a good thing.

I never hated my mother, but there was anger there. Mostly, it was cold indifference. But with age, my feelings mellowed, although we hardly ever kept in touch, even right up to the end.

Standing on one leg for 4 hours is torture, not disicipline. You have every right to not like your parents. I strongly feel that most human beings should refrain from having children, as there are more bad parents the good ones. You can look at them, however, as a valuable opportunity for a lesson in forgiveness, even though it may take a long time for your to get to a place like that. Age seems to lessen the pain and resentment however, as you come to realize that we are all dealing with our own private demons, and they probably were doing the best the could at the time.

My advice to you is to follow your heart. Do what it says. If it says to cut them out of your life, do so, but keep the door adjar if you do, so that the healing, on both sides, can take place, if and when you are ready. It is not healthy to go through life carrying grudges.

 

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