Date:   2/23/2006 6:35:21 AM ( 18 y ago)
Hits:   1,903
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=106697

Basically, your understanding of what I'm saying is ALSO true, but not exactly my point. I'm saying that clearing the other person's conscience is not something that we (the victim) should be burdened with and should not be considered a priority by anyone. When wrong is done to anyone, whether deliberately or accidentally, in order for 'good' to happen, the priority should be helping the victim deal with the consequences (recover) of what has been done to them, not the defensive feelings of the person who has committed the offense. The guilty party (offender) will not learn remorse, compassion or self-consciousness unless if forgiveness is just handed over to them like finding a penny. If they pour their heart out in sorrow and and a sincere conversation, then you have done them a good sevice and taught them how to truly feel compassion for others (including yourself) and that lesson will serve them and the rest of humanity well for the rest of their life. OK, enough of that point, we weren't put here on this earth to teach other people good lessons, I'm just mentioning that. The first and most important reason you should be more selective about who gets your forgiveness is that handing out your forgiveness to someone who is not GENUINELY sorrowful is demeaning, it's like saying "Oh well, I deserved their wrongdoing and all of the consequences anyway". Of course, you might not want to notice this to be true, we are taught to be very punitive (punishing) and judgemental in society, but not compassionate about what the other person suffers. It will be easier to understand in this hypothetical explanation...
If you were climbing a mountain with a partner and fell off because of their carelessness/mistake or because of their bad intentions (arguement, whatever,...the reason doesn't matter right now because it's beside the point). My point is that you would be laying at the bottom moaning and groaning in pain (right now, any decent human being on earth would not consider their forgiveness a priority, I really don't think you would either). Hopefully, you would suffer only TEMPORARY consequences because a hospital stay would be enough for recovery, otherwise, for the rest of your life you would be enduring STILL-EXISTING consequences. Now, I think you can understand my point, sometimes, forgiveness is IRRELEVANT. Oblectively, FOR (to pardon someone before justice/vengeance/retribution is served) giveness is a victim's consolation/substitute for forfeited vengeance. Whenever we CAUSE someone to be hurt, they suffer the EFFECTS of our misdeed, and the effects are the priority.

If the OFFENDER has a pure heart, then the victim's attitude might even be that the offender doesn't need forgiveness (as with family members, close friends) because the offender was...
NEVER HELD IN CONTEMPT in the first place (VERY important point).

Another illustration is that, ideally, forgiveness is more meaningful and purposeful as a 'GOD' thing. God is NEVER a victim (cannot be hurt), when we do something wrong, only His standard of right and wrong is violated, BUT He does not get physically hurt, PEOPLE DO GET HURT and become VICTIMS (and suffer consequences). God sent His Son to ensure that we become eligible to return to Him, because, BEFORE His Son came, we were not eligible to return to Him (before forgiveness, we would have recieved justice for all wrongdoing). Many times in the bible, the word "purified" is used instead of the word "forgiveness" because God's forgiveness of the human race actually had an effect whereas ours doesn't BEYOND repairing hurt feelings. What really should matter to us about the issue of forgiveness is how we can help repair the damage to the victim (compassion). But don't get me wrong, I certainly don't encourage refusal of someone's GENUINE apology, but if someone unremorseful asks your forgiveness, remember, giving part of your heart to someone unworthy is bad enough, but convincing yourself that you deserve their misdeed and the consequences is something I wouldn't do to anyone.

 

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