Date:   12/5/2007 4:50:05 AM ( 17 y ago)
Hits:   16,495
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=1055824

hello all

my name is Angie and I'm new to this website but i'm glad i found it. I was diagnosed with PMDD about 5 months ago and have struggled with it. I'm to the point where I feel like I can't take it anymore!!!

I started seeing a counselor for it right after i was diagnosed but only saw her for about a month b/c we reached a point where she really couldn't do anything for me. I was taking Zoloft 100mg a day but it made me feel zombied out and out of touch with the world, which for me doesn't work b/c i'm a busy mom of 3 little girls part-time (ages 8,6,and 5). they switched me to Yaz which worked the past few months but I feel like this month it's done only a little to help me.

i have a wonderful boyfriend who has been on a roller coaster ride with me the entire 3 years we've been together. lately though, when i have my mood swings-he tends to disappear and the last time we got into a fight (minus the one i'm about to discuss) I almost lost him!! we made a decision right then and there that one way or the other-we were going to have us figured out by Feb when my apt lease was up. either we moved in together or went our separate ways. Since then, things have been pretty good and we've been moving along at getting me slowly moved in. my kids have started spending the night with me on weekends at his house and my cat moved in on friday.

well today I woke up pretty moody. I tried to contain it. We both work night shift and he got up around 4:30p and grabbed his laptop and went out to the living room with it. i waited about 10 mins and got up too. i went into the kitchen and noticed that his dishes from when he came home from work at 6a were in the sink instead of the dishwasher (which i had emptied the night before) and his clothes were all over the floor (that i had cleaned and all laundry was done too). the reason this upset me so much was b/c anytime i leave any of my stuff out (clothes,shoes,hairclip,etc) he puts it away!! he'll put my shoes in the closet or my hairclips in a drawer but his stuff is always everywhere. so instead of snapping at him, i went and laid back down-he came in the room a few mins later and asked if i was hungry. i said no and he stressed that i needed to eat but dropped it after i said nothing. he then asked me to join him in the living room. we laid on the couch while he talked to his sister on the phone trying to fix her laptop. when he got off the phone, he cuddled with me and kissed me for a while making me think we were going to be intimate (which was a relief b/c lately i feel like he's not be interested). after a few minutes, he got up to fix something for his model airplane!! i was frustrated. so i got up and laid down in the bedroom thinking he would follow. after waiting for 10 mins-i gave up and went to shower. once he heard the water running-he came in and tried to touch me!! i explained to him that he's had since 4:30p when we got up to touch me and he said that at 4:30p he was still trying to wake up, was hungry, needed to call his sister,etc. i then pointed out that i now had 20 mins to get ready for work and got into the shower. he followed me in and we ended up being intimate in there (which he knows i enjoy but it doesn't work for me). he ended up climaxing and i got out b/c i was upset. after a few mins-he got out and asked me (annoyed) what was wrong. i told him he was so self absorbed that he didnt even see it-i feel bad now b/c i shouldn't have said it that way. he was totally confused so i explained to him that i've been worried sick the past few days b/c we never go for more than a day or two w/out being intimate and lately it's been several days in between and when he finally does touch me-it's in the shower where i don't really like it. he then confessed that he feels like he's walking on nails around me-b/c i've gotten mad at him for touching me right when we get home or right when we get up so to avoid getting yelled at-he doesn't touch me. he then said that i should have moved us from the shower to the bedroom if i didnt like where we were (which he's right). he was on his laptop during this whole conversation b/c he's always itchy when getting out of the shower and uses the laptop to entertain himself while drying and letting the itching stop before getting dressed. i stood there for a while as he was typing on the laptop then walked out of the room b/c i started crying. i came back in saying i was just going to leave for work and he said not to. i sat down on the bed and after a few mins he asked me if saying he was sorry and he wanted to work things out would help and i said yes. i thought we were fine after that.

once i got to work-i called and emailed him to tell him i was sorry. i hate having this condition and i wish my meds had worked better this month but they seem to be not doing their job this time. he never called or emailed me back so i checked his email(very wrong i know) and noticed that he had checked my email and one from his college friend back home in IL. the friend (who is married-i've met both him and his wife-nice people) was emailing to ask how things were,if thanksgiving had been nice,etc. My bf wrote him back telling him what he'd been up to and that thanksgiving had been nice b/c his family was here to visit but he said nothing about me or the kids. well the friend noticed my bf hadn't said anything about me so he emailed again to ask how things were with us and why he hadn't mentioned me. My bf wrote back saying he hadn't said anything about me b/c things were the same-good one week then bad the next. he then said that his view changes from day to day!!! I WAS SO CRUSHED!! thank god the friend wrote back pointing out that good AND bad days were all part of a relationship and that if all of our days were good ones then the relationship wouldn't be real. my bf hasn't checked the email yet so i don't know how he'll take that.

I'm so heartbroken though.I'm supposed to be at his house when i get off work in the morning but the last time this happened, he emailed me right before i was leaving work to tell me to stay home. he then shut my garage door opener off so i couldn't get into his house and ignored me for 3 days. we talked it out w/him saying we couldn't fight anymore but i pointed out to him that it was unrealistic for us not to ever fight. he then said we could disagree but no bad fights w/us not talking for days.

now he won't return my calls or emails and i'm so scared he's going to disappear again.

i hate this!! my meds aren't working, the counselor didnt help and i feel helpless!! i dread this time coming up b/c i know no matter what i do-i'm going to turn into a monster and i feel like i'm going to lose everything b/c of it.

what should i do!!!


 

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