Date:   11/13/2007 9:34:49 AM ( 17 y ago)
Hits:   5,573
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=1041688

I was actually reading (and, re-reading) the same quote.

Although the original poster is willing to accept her partner's behavior, I just want to point out that I very much remember how wonderful my ex was in the beginning. He seemed to have my interests in mind and I was so blinded by my feelings for him that, even when I had the opportunity to walk away (numerous times), I chose to remain because I honestly believed that I could be "The One" to help him realize his fullest potential, etc. I was head-over-heels in love with him and truly believed that, because of the depth of my love, he would heal and we would live the rest of our lives together comfortable with one another.

The obvious abuse did not begin, outright, and it never occured to me that there were many, many other forms of abuse than physical. I was naive enough to believe that domestic violence/abuse was reserved for "trailer trash" and "less fortunates." The systematic breakdown of my self-esteem began with baby-steps. He would relentlessly harangue me with regard to previous sexual activities, the types of men I had been with (always disdainful), and the constant accusation that I had "never gotten over" one of the men that I had previously dated - forcing me (in my naivetee) to "prove" that I loved him by tolerating more and more head-games which he always won, by the way, by stalking away to go to sleep and leaving the matters unresolved. The next day, he would behave as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened and that I had been overreacting to something quite simple. Once the emotional dismemberment was well advanced, the rest of the abuse followed suit: religious/spiritual, financial, verbal, sexual, physical. Oh, he never "hit me," either - not in the way that we see depicted in "Burning Bed," or that Julia Roberts movie. His physical violence was perpetrated under the pretense of "horseplay" where wrestling would lead to tickling, which would lead to pushing, which would leave to shoving, which would lead to slapping, punching, etc. He never hit me in my face, either - another point of denial that I clung to like a liferaft. Getting hit in the face was abuse, not being socked in the arm so hard (under the guise of horseplay) that it would be rendered useless for an hour.

Finally, I do not ask for anyone's pity or sympathy with regard to my past choices - I would much rather have someone say, "Good for you!" rather than, "I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that." With all due respect, offering pity is an affront to the monumental efforts that I overcame to evolve from victim to Survivor. I CHOSE to marry and, subsequently, remain with an abusive partner. I chose that man, and once I realized what he really was, it was then my call as to whether or not I would remain a victim. I chose to Survive.

So, in the interest of the Curezone Community Spirit, I will choose to let this be my last post with regard to the original poster's message. I sincerely wish em_socal the best and most positive wishes in her personal journey.
 

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