Hello again,
It sounds like you are looking for a fire
to burn off the dross, to forge you into who
you know deep down you are but are not yet
able to find comfort in being...
Peace is already within you...you find it
by being it.
Sometimes, too, realization is just a breath
away. Nothing will have changed, but the breath.
Another inhalation and your world changes from
your point of view. Another exhalation and you
are changed and will never again be who you
were when you thought you knew. So, in an effect,
no one ever knows it all. We are becoming all...
Here is a link to a handbook on shifting focus
and awakening to a paradigm shift you may find
helpful in your effort to say *YES* to you~~
http://www.alternativescentral.com/HndbkNewParad-MainPage.htm
Another little anecdote which I would like to share
is of my own surrender. I had been very sick, in bed,
for 6 weeks. I refused to go to the hospital, and everyone,
including me, thought I was going to die. The night
I was at my weakest, I could not bring myself to go
to sleep thinking, this may be my last night in my
body, in this consciousness, and I wanted to think
about it while I could. I also wanted to call friends
and family to say goodbye but could not bring myself
to do it as I had already seen the fear of death in my
husband's face and could not bear to hear the fear over
the phone. I surrendered to it. I did my own life review
and thought about so many moments in my life and looked
at the great times, as well as the painful times. I then
looked at the time I had left, measured in hours, I thought,
although, certainly, by breaths. Each breath was a gift,
each snapshot in my mind's eye was like seeing God
expressed in a million ways. I was overcome with grief
and overcome with joy. I surrendered my fear of feeling
like I had failed at anything. I realized how much I
had loved my life and how the pieces had fit together
to be a story that I was remembering now and that in
those moments, it mattered little to anyone but me but
that through me, the expression of who I was, and had
been, was fulfilled through a divine plan. When at last,
I could hold my eyes open no more, I said my prayers
and thanked God, thanked my angels, thanked my ancestors,
and all the souls who went before me who loved me enough
to leave the seeds of faith, of knowing, of truth, for
me to find. Everything was finally surrendered and it
came down to breathing in and out, in and out, until
I thought my body would just stop, like a clock which had
wound down. My final prayer that night was that whatever
happened that I was grateful for who I had grown up to
be, for the love I had found in my life, and for those
who had been placed in my life who needed the love I
had to offer them, seen and unseen...ggg.
I do not know what happened that night after I closed
my eyes. The next morning as I opened them and saw the
sunlight filtering through the blinds and felt the
incredible joy of having another day, I soon realized
I had changed. I had survived the dark night of my
soul and had been reborn. I even got out of bed. It
felt like a miracle had happened and my husband who
brushed my hair for me noticed, overnight, my hair
which I keep at hip level was now below the crook of
my knee. I do not remember many more details beyond
the immense gratitude I felt and a spiritual strength
and certainty that continues to this day to sustain me.
I too, do not know. What I do know, however, is that
miracles happen. I have a sign on my office wall which
says to any and all, including me, "Expect a Miracle".
I would encourage you to trust and *expect* your own
miracles...
I wish you much success on your healing path, on all
levels~~
blessings,
Zoe
-_-