Wow! There is a huge amount of info in your discourse to which I can relate. Huge. I always said that I wanted to be a hermit when I grow up. All I needed was a nearby grocery, 911 capabilities, high speed internet, and UPS deliveries. The reality is quite different.
I retired, recently, to an area where I know absolutely no one. That helped my hermit desires somewhat. Then I bought a house in a sparsely settled neighborhood. I'm well on my way to reclusiveness.
I decided that should I ever need social contact, I would find some volunteer service locally. I meant that I would help to feed the homeless or something. That's what I did in California. Now I'm in the Texas hill country and loving it. As fate would have it (and I really mean fate), I met a fellow in a sandwich shop; and we conversed about retirement and what to do. From that meeting, I am now the treasurer of a local Friends organization for a national wildlife refuge. Now, I'm somewhat busy and meeting so many great people.
I guess I won't make my "hermit" goal after all. I can now understand so much of your discourse on loneliness.