thanks. no, the doghouse is a metaphor for my house or possibly even california, and if i am able to obtain a better situation to take my mind off this, i may be able to stay. I have been able to stay away from the abuser and that is good, but i need more than that to recover. one thing i think is making me sick is the cavitation in my jaw. it is pretty painful. so, i decided to use that as a starting point, since i felt better after i called a dentist and made an appointment. right after, i thought, if that made me feel a little better, then maybe i have a chance to keep going in that direction. i see a little light at the end of the tunnel so far. i just noticed that extreme anxiety feeling/pain in my stomach and it is killing me right now, so i guess part of this stomach ailment i developed within the last 3 days is tied to thinking about this abuse.
what i was looking for was love, acceptance, but i was even willing to settle for being paid properly, because as a last resort, i was willing to say ok money can represent the love and acceptance. but, i was not even given that without it being manipulated. it's the difference between getting a steak on a plate and getting thrown a bone that another dog has already eaten all the good stuff off of.
it's funny, i gave that sort of analogy about the dog tied up out back to the abuser plenty of times, to try and point out how bad i was treated, but the one doing the abusing often cannot see anything wrong with the abuse and do not think of it that way, in fact, they don't think of it at all, and do not like hearing about it; it makes them mad. that is when you know the person's behavior is pathological. and, if you have ever tried to reason with a pathologic personality, well...you might as well beat your head against a wall.