i had written a post to the webmaster about pictures i uploaded and aye said i was not having any problems and asked why i was only posting so that people would look at my pics and said i was always doing this. this came off a few blogs i had removed that i just felt were distasteful, no biggie. but, he was angry about that. so, no, it had nothing to do with my situtation. i have always been the sort who doesn't like being accused of lying. i do not understand why everyone is so concerned with aye and me, though. in my opinion, he has an agenda, he believes people should not eat meat at all and he gets very adament about it. he also is adament about yoga and he professes to see all and that sort of thing. when i read his posts, i feel a force with them, that you need to believe, a cult-like feeling. That's just me, so it you don't, that's fine. with him, i feel if you are in with the crowd, you do ok, but if not, there is a clash. people who have an agenda and push it, i do not get along with, never have.
i appreciate your post. my biggest problem is i have no one here to help me out, zero, nada, it's just me. and i am a strong believer in two heads are better than one. and more would be better. but, i don't mean people online, i mean people who are physically present, a support group, not unlike the friends i used to have back home. i sit here, wronged for nearly 4 years montarily, wronged over 5 years mentally and emotionally, with 1200 emails or more, not wanting to do a damn thing, not even knowing what the hell to do, and i am simply at a loss. and i go deeper in debt and deeper into lonliness every day. to just pack up and go home is not as simple as it sounds. but i may have to, i have no clue. and, many of my friends are gone, didn't keep in contact with them when I moved. one is in a care home. it's just all a mess. i like to hang around christian people, i mean true christian people. most people do not know what that is, nor have they experienced it. i have some friends in washington. we went through school together and grew up together. her and her husband andtheir friends are true christians and are pure people. it is all brotherly love and you do not find that very often. they get together and play board games and cards. i imagine they bowl, too. we did as kids. so, i have considered moving there. i seriously do not know what to do and get sicker every day. people say, go make some friends. well, you have to be careful. and, i wouldn't know how in a big city, too scared. and, when you get into a deep depression, you do not feel like joining a club or whatever.